Celebrating Patience

 Hello Readers,

I have had an eventful couple of weeks --I have a new job --here's the story behind it-- I assist with a graduate online course and the professor of the class reached out to me a few weeks ago to let me know that there was likely going to be a new position opening in their K-6th grade Lab school on campus for a vocal music instructor. This position would be part-time allowing me to continue with the college adjunct teaching/observing I am currently doing. The day the job was finally posted the principal of the school (someone I went through graduate school with) reached out to me via text to see if I would consider applying. I can't express enough how much it means to me that after over a year of getting no response and many rejections for several applications to have two people I admire approach me to consider applying for a position here in my own town. I officially accepted the job the end of last week and am currently waiting on some final paperwork to be processed. 

The last time I met with my counselor we talked about how it was important to me to work in my own town and that because of this I had limited opportunities but that with patience the right position would likely come along eventually. Today I read a Facebook post from a friend stating that we next to never have to be patient anymore. Her point was that in decades past we would go to the library to look up facts in encyclopedias and now we can just look up on our phones and instantly get answers. This got me thinking that had I known a year ago I would eventually have this new job it would have been 'easier' to swallow than waiting for the unknown this past year. Honestly, I do believe that in the end, I have learned so much by waiting. I have learned a lot about some of my own limitations and things that I need and want that I didn't realize before. I have also learned about patience and the importance of rest. Today I met with my counselor again and it was nice to be able to celebrate with him, frankly, I think he was genuinely taken back when I told him I had a new job, good news is a great thing to share. My psychiatrist said that I seemed to be aligned well with the universe. In full disclosure, I am being renewed in my faith something I have struggled with in the last few years. 

 As always thanks for reading.

Stay well,

AmyBH

Out of the Blue

 Dear Readers,

This week while I was shopping for groceries I noticed I had a voice message. Most of my messages are Spam calls but as I tried to listen to this one, even with the noise at Walmart, I quickly became aware that this was someone who knew me. I quickly found a quieter section of the store and listened again and I was stunned. The person, someone I've known for over 25 years, was calling to let me know how much I had encouraged them. I knew that they had been recently given some devastating news from their medical doctors but what I didn't know was that they had also struggled for years with depression. They wanted me to know that by writing, posting, and sharing my own different but similar story they had felt strengthed and encouraged and that they were not going to hide anymore. I had no idea. To me, this person is so full of joy and someone that amazes me with their constant energy and zeal for life. This call encourages me to keep sharing as I never know what lives I (and you too!) may be touching. May we all let those that have helped us know what they mean to us so that we may spur them on to continue on the path and serve others. 

Thanks for reading.

With much gratitude,

Amy BH

Nicolina

Hello Readers,

This past week I finished watching season 20 of American Idol on Hulu (the live ABC broadcast airs on Hulu the next day). [Idol Spoilers Ahead] I really enjoyed the contestants and judges of this season. I have probably watched a total of three complete seasons of the show since it first aired in 2002. This year I was so impressed with how polished and emotional the singers were. The whole top 10 would have been great choices for the voting public (I don't vote). I am posting two videos of one of those top 10, Nicolina, both of her singing the song She Used to Be Mine from the Broadway musical Waitress. Waitress is a musical I would like to see, this song is so well written the tune brings emotion and the words speak of pain and of strength. The first video is of the Audition when Nicolina received the 'Golden Ticket' to go to Hollywood and the second video is the Finale where she performed the song with composer Sara Bareilles. I love how these two women share the stage. The composer/pianist looks so proud of the young artist singing her song -- Nicolina has so many dreams fulfilled and ahead of her. Lovely!

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

AmyBH

The Office BFFs

 Hello Readers, 

One of my favorite podcasts is Office Ladies. For the most part, this weekly podcast consists of the hosts Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly) and Angela Kinsey (Angela Martin) discussing The Office in great detail, one episode each week in sequence. This comedy series ran from 2005-to 2013, for 9 seasons. In the series Pam and Angela are frenemies but in real life, these two women are self-proclaimed best friends who met on set. I have listened to each episode and I very much enjoy how these two ladies share not only their memories of the show but also their own vulnerabilities and how they've supported each other throughout the years. This past week the two podcasters released a book also based on The Office and to commemorate the launch the hosts shared the audio version of the first chapter of the book on the podcast The Office BFFs Chapter 1. I'm so glad Jenna and Angela took the time to narrate the book themselves I believe it adds so much to the audio version and my feelings are evident as I decided to purchase it. In just the last couple of days, I have just about finished listening. They have also released a podcast episode that consists of them answering questions about the process of writing the book and I look forward to listening to that when I'm done listening to the book BFF Q & A. I have thoroughly enjoyed listening to this book. At times they humbly share in a very relatable way how excited they were as they experienced things for the first time. I am also impressed when they share embarrassing mistakes they've made or frustrations they experienced. I have found myself moved to tears at times such as when they share difficulties or how their friendship has endured and gotten them through rough times. Each of them waited many years to get the chance to work on a show like The Office and this fact has reminded me that sometimes what I think I want may not work out but that I may be in a season of waiting for what is best for me. Without even knowing it these ladies have lifted my spirits many times over the last years, I am very grateful for this and for the many episodes yet to come.

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Numb Little Bug

Hello Readers --

Here is a link to a song a friend of mine posted on Facebook this week - Numb Little Bug. There are days when I can relate to what these lyrics are saying -- especially the part about struggling with having to take pills. For me, taking daily medication seems like a life sentence, one that I value but also feel a sort of shame about. In contrast to the desperate feelings conveyed in this song -- today, I experienced a real sense of accomplishment. This week I started up another semester of assisting with a graduate class (this is my third semester). This morning after spending close to two hours going through the first assignments and giving feedback to all the students I realized I felt energized. Right away I got up from the computer, took my dog out for a walk, and relished in a sense of feeling well. 

To top off this great morning, I got to spend time with 3 of my favorite people thanks to Zoom 💓.

Enjoy your day everyone!

Thanks for reading,

AmyBH

Being Thankful

 Hello Readers,

I was reminded by Carrie Deyton (YouTuber) in one of her recent Blogs to be thankful. Specifically, she said that she tries to remember to catch herself and be mindful before she exercises. To find joy in it, to be thankful for her body and the fact that she can move it, etc. I have been trying this with my walks throughout the day and with Yoga and other things. Doing this has helped me to have a better attitude and to stay motivated to follow through on my commitments. 

I aso recently listened to a November episode of Brene Brown's Unlocking Us Podcast where whe interviews Lukas and Willie Nelson Family, Love, and Music. Very nice interview with a great performance at the end. Enjoy!

I hope you had a great week -- stay well!

Thanks for reading,

Amy BH

Cold Play -- Fix You

Hello Readers,

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to attend another local choral concert and it was fabulous. This time the song that has stayed with me the most was Fix You by Cold Play arranged for choir by George Chung. Here is the original song Cold Play Fix You and the choir arrangement Chung Fix You. There is one thing that is missing from both of these versions that the choir director added to the performance I attended. After the musical interlude he turned towards the audience and as noted in the program he started singing in a microphone and directing the audience to join with him the following lyrics in a counter melody -- We're gonna get it, get it together, right now - We're gonna get it, get it together somehow - We're gonna get it, get it together and flower, Woah, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh repeat etc... Then the choir joined in with the last stanzas as the audience continued to sing the counter melody. I am tearing up just remembering it in my head. It was evident that the audience was moved as we stood and sang as one large choir.

As always thanks for reading and I hope you have a great week!

Stay well,

Amy BH

Updates and an Inspiring Piece of Music

Hello Readers,

Starting with some personal celebrations -- I have gone a whole month without one of my medications and after revisiting with my psychiatrist we continue to believe that I no longer need it. I have been feeling some slight anxiousness at times but I am learning how to breathe through it. For example on Wednesday morning I woke up with a general feeling of butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't figure out any reason. I only thought that maybe it had to do with the fact I was traveling that day to observe my student. I sometimes get worried when I need to drive. I thought about it rationally and did my morning yoga and by the time I was ready to go I felt better. Another milestone is that I am also going from monthly visits to once every 2 months. 

Speaking of yoga for the last two weeks or more I have gotten back into my routine of 15 minutes of yoga 4 mornings a week. I am doing the same video SarahBethYoga Saturday with modifications for my shoulders. (Which by the way my shoulder range of motion is much better, still a little stiffness at night but I also could be MUCH better/consistent with my stretches.)

Ballet continues to be rewarding - in my second and third classes I was able to do a turn that I thought looked impossible in the first class. It was sloppy of course but my feet didn't get tangled and I completed the revolution. My teacher is very encouraging and she and the other women are a true joy and I'm finding a connection I've been craving.

A few weeks ago I went to a universtiy choir concert in a lovely setting - Conception Abbey (see photo below). The accoustics were so live that at times I wondered how the choir could keep their voices under control. One piece that I have carried with me since that performance is titled O Love the lyrics of this piece were originally written by George Matheson during a time of turmoil and are accounted for in this YouTube video O Love Inspiration. More recently the version I heard was set to a new tune by Elaine Hagenberg, perfmed here --Updated O Love. Elaine's lovely sense of harmony and blending of voices drew me into Matheson's hopeful words. As I reflect on the piece I realize that no matter the circumstance I am loved and may find joy as promised by the symbol of the rainbow. May you be encouraged and swept away from the day's worries as you listen. 

Thanks for reading,

Stay well,

Amy BH

Journaling and Dance Class

 Hello Readers,

Journaling

This week I was encouraged by the message of Brene Brown's March 9 podcast with Karen Walrond. Accessing Joy and Finding Connection in the Midst of Struggle was the title. Brene is very candid about some struggles she was having and during the conversation they unpacked what may be some of the reasons. My biggest takeaway was the journaling prompts that Karen challenged us to do daily: How can I feel connected, How can I feel healthy, and How can I feel purposeful. Each day these things may change and during some seasons our connectedness, health, and purpose may be more centered on recovery and rest while at other times we may be in the midst of service and activism. Karen also said that each night she centers her mind on at least one thing she is grateful for. She has found that it is important to have these habits in place so that during difficult times you know where to turn.

Dance Class

Last night I literally stepped outside of my comfort zone and tried something completely new. Ballet. A friend of mine is teaching an adult class starting from the basics. It is a half-hour each week and last night we learned many new words and by the end, my legs and my mind were both challenged and renewed. Ballet Class

Stay well,

AmyBH

Three Recipes Made From Ginger Snap Cookies/New & Goods

 Hello Readers,

Recipes

A few weeks ago I bought myself a box of Ginger Snap cookies thinking they would make a nice breakfast treat to dunk into my coffee. I found them to be a little too strong in the morning. Ever since I've been looking for ways to finish them other than just snacking. 1) One simple way was to spread a little almond butter and make a sandwich cookie. You could also try peanut butter, but I liked the easy spreading of the almond butter and the contrasting smooth taste. Next, I remembered that one of my sisters came home from somewhere with the idea from a friend that you could take graham crackers and 2) layer them with applesauce. Sure enough, this also works with Ginger Snaps after they sit for a few minutes they get cakelike. One issue the Ginger Snaps are a bit mushier in the applesauce than I remember the crackers being. Lastly, 3) I had some plain Greek yogurt I needed to use up so I did the same with it -- layering it with the cookies -- this was my favorite, the texture was better and kept nicely for over a day in the refrigerator.

New

My psychiatrist and I decided to eliminate one of my medications. I have been doing so slowly over the last two weeks. She initiated this timing mostly because I have been stable for over a year. She also felt that my concerns about weight gain could be somewhat attributed as this is a commons side effect. So far I am feeling well and I am not noting any real difference.

Goods

Yesterday #1 I had an interview and was hired to supervise a music student teacher for our local university this fall. I am excited to be given this chance as I enjoy this type of work. As you may recall I was hired for a similar position and have been serving in this capacity currently for another college out of my hometown. It is nice to be continuing to build my higher education resume and to be gaining new contacts and experiences.

Yesterday #2 I got to spend the morning watching local rural bands perform for judges at a local festival. It brought me so much pride and joy to see and hear them I wish it could have lasted for the whole week!

This week's gold star goes to my former colleague and my replacement whose high school band earned top honors yesterday ⭐

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

AmyBH

Participation or Professional

Hello Readers

It was a warm March morning and I decided to pull out a pair of recently purchased denim shorts to wear. It felt great to put on something that fits well as many of my pants are currently too tight. I finished getting ready and headed to the Community Center. I had decided to see what classes they offered as more of a way to meet people and get out of the house than a need for exercise. As I caught a glance of my reflection in the glass doors before entering I was not impressed. Feeling deflated I pressed onward. Upon further pondering this situation, I have come to realize that my walking through those doors was me struggling with participation. Participation is a word I use often with my students in music class.

The music classroom and vulnerability go hand in hand. Students are asked to sing, move, and dance on a daily basis. Some students as young as preschool age seem to be concerned with what author Brene Brown describes as looking or acting cool. It can be challenging to motivate students, especially in junior high to participate in music activities even if they like music. Brene Brown in The Gift of Imperfection further validates that by doing things such as singing, dancing, and laughing we are being vulnerable. This challenge is compounded by the fact that while some students are willing to participate others react in ways that can cause disruption. 

A challenge in the music classroom is that while students should participate they also must maintain self-control or reserve. In other words, it is ok to be enthusiastic at the right times but never rowdy, especially in a way that prevents others from doing their best to participate. Students in the band need to keep their instruments up but not blast them and those in the choir should sing out loud but not shout. As a music teacher, I would sometimes change the word from participating to professional this gave the student more allowance for not actually playing the instrument or singing but only expecting the student to show effort such as holding their instrument correctly or standing with a straight posture. Students should also not hindering others from performing. Professional meant keeping your hands to yourself while also keeping quiet so others could sing or play their instrument. This has me wondering, am I participating in life, or am I merely being professional? 

I've been pondering the thought I heard this week: "it is said, write the book you need to read." Lately for me participating in life versus professional grades is the book I need to read. I was encouraged to also consider what one good day could bring rather than getting stuck on the big picture (Life). These thoughts were prompted as I recently listened to a podcast interview by Brene Brown with James Clear -- "Be the architect of your habits not the victim of them." James Clear on Atomic Habits (January 11 & 18, 2002 Unlocking Us) James Clear Part 1 of 2 parts. 

Early in the 2020 quarantine, I wrote a Blog about sight-reading Sight Reading Blog Post and how it means you need to keep the instrument up. I find myself in a similar season as I did during the quarantine. Some days I wake up and wonder, 'what am I supposed to do today?' In general, I find I am stuck between wanting to have more structure in my life while also fearing that if I commit to too much I'll be overly scheduled. James Clear advises to "Try things until something comes easily" (use trial and error to determine what works for you/it may also change over time.) One of my small steps is this Blog and posting it once a week, whew! ('The show (SNL) doesn't go on because it's ready it goes on because it's 11:30.' --Lorne Michaels)

With much appreciation and thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Make Decisions Not Wishes

Dear Readers,

Today's title words make decisions, not wishes come via my daughter who uses them to inspire the students she coaches. These words have motivated me lately in my quest for physical health and making good decisions regarding eating and movement. Author Gretchen Rubin in her list of Secrets of Adulthood shares 'Starting again is harder than starting' For me, I have started again by eating more vegetables and following through on decisions regarding portion size. Another one of Gretchen's secrets is 'When the student is ready, the teacher appears'. Another decisions I've made is to get back to practicing Yoga and my teacher Sarah Beth. In this morning's Yoga video my teacher/YouTuber sarahbethyoga said falling is not failing that instead, we should have a nice laugh and when we fall seven times get up eight. SarahBethYoga Her words inspired me to take inventory and to get back up on the scale after months of avoidance. 

Sarah Beth teaches me to respond with laughter when I fall. I find this is a healthy response for me. In Brene Brown's book The Gift of Imperfection, she speaks about how laughter way of letting down walls and expressing vulnerability. Laughter, singing, playing, and dancing are other forms of vulnerability Brene writes about. I love to sing songs with meaningful words. I also like to dance and create dance routines as I pretend I'm part of a staged variety show. Two great forms of self-care as directed by whatever mood I'm in: singing out a lyrical sad song when I need a good cry or when I'm in need of a boost of energy I get the body moving by choosing an upbeat song, pump up the volume, and DANCE! 

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Today's Gold Star goes to Gretchen Rubin (she introduced the idea of the Gold Star to me) whos e videos, books, and endless articles have been a great source of  encouragement.

The Void

 Hello Readers--

I was listening to John Green and his wife Sarah on Dear John and Hank (podcast) recently and they were talking about the process of creating and John shared something to the effect of "I enjoy having written more than writing." My takeaway from their discussion is -- often the act of creating involves a struggle of some kind, but once it is done there is a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. This conversation brought me the encouragement I needed to get back to the keyboard (and now that I'm editing the last proof it feels great!😉).

In my last two blogs, I simply shared the links to the podcast from my doctor's webpage. It is surreal to me that it can also be found in 'real' podcast locations such as this one Spotify Podcast Link (The Telepsychiatrist).  I have been feeling a lot of things as this has been uploaded. My mind wanders and wonders as to who and how it will be received and also how big of a listening audience it will reach and how long it will take. My December Blog posts got a lot more attention than ever and it caused me to feel a bit raw -- so much so that I stopped writing. I am finding much comfort in realizing I am not alone. My doctor said she could relate regarding the podcast -- she wants it to find an audience and yet when people respond she feels ill at ease.  A famous YouTuber Colleen Ballinger often posts about her own journey with depression and anxiety and recently she shared something like "I would never tell someone that in-person"  Colleen 11 minutes. She sort of laughs at herself because she realizes that with her large viewership this sort of worry is somewhat ridiculous - but nonetheless I can relate and therefore I'm sure she's not alone in her feelings -- as compared with other popular YouTubers like herself. I mentioned this dilemma to my counselor and I described it as putting stuff out into the void. Good Night Dear Void (You've Got M@il)  I am comfortable with the comments on Facebook (the void) but not when a random someone mentions it to me when they see me in person such as when I'm walking in the park. I think this will get easier as hopefully - I develop the words to say both in person and behind the keyboard. I certainly don't want to stop writing I enjoy it and I also have a compelling feeling to want to share in this setting.  

Responses to the podcast are as follows: I posted one response in the comments of my last entry 💗. My daughter shared with me that she really appreciated and was thankful that my doctor and I had 'found' each other she also wrote that the interview filled in some holes for her.  I heard from my Doctor that she has gotten responses such as  "she is so cool to open up like that," "I learned so much from listening" Yay!!!

Gold Star for the week goes to the college student I observe in the field. She is bravely playing the trumpet as she guides her junior high band students-it is fabulous!

Thanks for reading!

Stay well,

Amy BH

The Podcast with me and my Dr.

 Hello Readers --- 

I am busy grading but I wanted to share with you the podcast of my interview with Dr. Midiri -- Episode 2

I will listen and process in a future post.

With much anticipation,

Amy

Dr. Jodi Midiri

 Hello Readers,

Thanks for allowing me some space for a break from posting. My final posts of 2021 left me feeling overly vulnerable and I decided to wait until the podcast was shareable to post again. I'm still waiting, however, I wanted to share the following link Jodi Midiri Episode 0. This is an introduction to my Doctor. In another month or so I will also share her interview with me. In the meantime, I encourage you to subscribe directly to The Telepsychiatrist webpage.

Stay Well,

AmyBH

Stress vs. Symptoms

 Hello Readers,

Last Sunday I recorded the podcast I mentioned in my last post. It has become more clear to me through the conversation I had with my doctor last Sunday the importance of accepting that circumstances did not cause or trigger my diagnosis or manic episode(s) last year. I was having stress, yes and I was experiencing many major events in my life. However, these events did not cause the symptoms I was having. And, had I known my diagnosis, I probably could have avoided the hospital stay(s) by getting in to see my doctor instead. As an update, for the last few months, I have been stable. I continue to go for regular visits with my team so that I have objective views of how I'm doing. I have been fortunate to find stability so quickly and will celebrate and continue to manage myself as I have shared in previous posts. I recognize in myself that I have developed a fear of stress - I relate stress to my manic behavior last year. With that being said I have some good stress news to share - I have a new job!

I was interviewed and offered the position this week and today I am traveling about an hour away to a small college (roughly 1300 students) in rural Nebraska. I am receiving training to be a supervisor for one of their student teachers next semester. The college is a bit of a drive but I will only be required to make a similar drive five times during the course. The timing couldn't be better since a job that I had last semester for the same amount of hours just finished. I have a lot to learn and it feels a bit overwhelming to see all the paperwork that is involved but the staff has already shown they are excited to have me on board and will be there to support me.

I appreciate you and hope the holidays hold a special meaning of love, joy, peace, and hope.

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Recording

 Hello Readers,

My psychiatrist asked me to be a guest on her new developing podcast and we are set to record it this Sunday. Once the taping is edited and uploaded to the internet I will share it with you all but that will be a few weeks from now. 

I love interviews, there is something about having someone come up with questions on a topic and then have another person respond in the moment that really resonates with me. I first realized how much I liked this form of communication during my graduate coursework when we conducted interviews as we learned about qualitative research. Once I did it I knew this was the type of research I wanted to do for my final dissertation. As I look towards Sunday there is one major difference in the interview, I will be on the other side of the questioning.

This week I've been prepping myself a bit and going through the questions that my doctor plans to ask me. Through this prepping process, I've made a conclusion. One of the prompts is what have been some (if any) setbacks? I realized that I am most motivated by not wanting any setbacks I don't want to have to experience another hospital stay again. The fear of a setback leading to another manic episode motivates me to stay in touch with my doctors, stay on my medication, and get plenty of rest. But there is another area of my life that I am continually having setbacks in, eating.

I am really struggling this week as I return to 'normal' eating after the holiday weekend. I am unsure of what I'm eating these days and what to shop for. I don't know if anyone can relate to this but today as I shopped I found myself going up and down the aisles and I didn't know what to put in my cart. I finally made some choices that I knew would work, turkey sandwich meat and some light bread, and checked out. Ugh, I want to consistently enjoy food in a way that is both mentally and physically healthy -- but it's a challenge. Thankfully the weather is super warm today and that has me ready to walk outside and put up Christmas decor two things that both take my mind off of food and lift my spirit.

Gold star this week goes to the candy cane lights I put on the railing of my front porch - they give a red glow at night that is joyous to my soul. 

I appreciate you all so much.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Cracks

Hello Readers,

My sisters and I are reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown as a book club. At the end of today's reading Brene stated the following quote “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in” from a song by Leonard Cohen Anthem (Leonard Cohen). I like this positive spin on the tough things in life that may cause us to crack.

This image of a crack made me think of this Japanese meme I saw recently that says,

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — a metaphor for embracing your flaws and imperfections. “You won't realize your full potential until you go through the tough times,” Kumai says. With that said, Kintsugi takes work and awareness in order for it to truly be healing. If and when we crack the light comes through and we can let it show us the way to healing.

 

Finally, I had my own realization of how this could also relate to climbing up a steep mountain (or living life) and how a climber relies on the cracks to find footing and handles. I relate this to mental health and how when we know where the cracks are in the path we can make adjustments that allow us to find our way to the top. Just like physical health, mental health is important for all of us to be aware of and know what our own unique prescription or path is.

I have been struggling lately with some of my regular physical goals mainly around making good eating choices. I hope to have a better report soon as I know only I am able to decide how I climb this mountain. I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving.

As always thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Hiding and Remembering

 Dear Readers,

I love celebrating anniversaries, my parents set a great example for marking certain years of their over 50 years of marriage. Some years they would go on trips and one year they even had a ceremony planned to renew their vows and exchange new wedding bands. I am finding it difficult this year to process certain things as we move into the Christmas season. The sound of holiday songs, for example, reminds me of difficulties I was facing a year ago. My first instinct is to hide but instead, I will try to celebrate all that has been accomplished in a year.

Hiding from posting is what I did last week but this week I am feeling much better. I learned from Gretchen Rubin that it is common for people with my tendency as an obliger (Four Tendencies: upholder, rebel, obliger, questioner) to sometimes deny themselves what brings them joy. I do this! One reason I know that writing & blogging brings me joy is that I lose track of time doing it, and yet I often drag myself to the computer having trouble getting started. Does this make sense? Can anyone relate to this? I do the same with listening to music that brings me joy, I don't do it. This leads me to the Gold Star of the week -- 

Gold Star to musician Jake Wesley Rogers with thanks to Brene Brown for introducing me. His lyrics are deep and relatable while his music is both sensitive and head slamming. In the interview with BB, he won me over with his intelligence attached to a gentle, kind, and humble spirit. (His songs and manner give off a bit of an Elton John vibe.) Below are two of his songs. Warning - language 

Pluto (Hate On Me)

Middle of Love

Stay well!

Thanks for reading,

Amy BH

Late Diagnosis

Hello Readers -- today's post is a little glimpse of some personal 'stuff' I've been remembering and sorting through lately. It is a bit of my personal story from the last year.

I have a mental illness that typically gets diagnosed much earlier in life. I am learning to accept this diagnosis. It is not simply an episode(s) I had after a few weeks of stress. I have to admit that sometimes even after several months of knowing what it is in the back of my mind, I keep thinking how could two off days that led to hospital stays mean I now have a chronic mental illness? Thankfully I've read portions of a book entitled The Bi-Polar Survival Guide What You and Your Family Need to Know by David J. Miklowitz Ph.D. This book convinced me that I did not want to waste time being in denial as almost every example in the book seemed to do. I could relate to many of the examples of mortifying incidents such as running away in the night. I saw that when each example took a road of denial they fell back into some kind of danger. 

I believe it is important to be able to recognize when an episode is creeping up. I know for me I wish I had known what was happening when we had our annual concert in December of 2020. I remember that day and after school feeling like I was on some sort of autopilot while the world around me was some sort of roller coaster. No one asked me how I was or why I was different than usual. As I read others' reactions (or lack thereof) I seemed to be the same old me. We were wearing masks so maybe that was why no one knew that underneath I was scared and struggling. 

If you can relate to these feelings or if you're feeling overwhelmed it is ok to reach out for help from a friend, family member, or doctor. I wish I would have known how to do that sooner but I am very grateful now to be getting the care I need from a great team.

This week's gold star goes to - my nurse Lindsey who encouraged me today.

Thanks for reading.

Stay Well,

Amy BH