Noticing Part II & Planning & Accountability

Good morning readers!
I can't believe it's been 2 months since my last post. Thanks for your patience.
An update since my Noticing post is that two co-workers (who happen to be sisters) commented in early December within a day of each other, that I was looking really good. It was very kindly given and I said thank you and talked with them both about how great I was feeling. Which I do, I feel very good and I am being consciously mindful about this fact. I'm down 40 pounds since July with a goal of 30 to go.
My lack of writing is not due to a lack of focus or success in taking care of myself during this holiday season. Instead, I will list some new habits that have been working for me:

• getting those 10,000 daily steps in (yesterday was my one fail since mid-July --Mulligan!)
• after one big meal, having a lot less for the next meal
• saying yes to desserts and snacks and sitting down with a plate of them
• passing on foods that don't interest me
• getting my best sleep as much as possible
• Always be moving (I'll explain this one further below)
• meal preparation and planning (especially during those weeks of back to work between Thanksgiving and Christmas)
• continually reminding myself that this is a special time (mid-November-Jan 2) and I can be trusted to be more rigid in my choices once I am done celebrating -- no guilt allowed (and no guilt about guilt either! lol)

"Always be Moving" is something I heard a young YouTuber Mrs. Midwest describe as a way of staying active throughout the day. I would change always to mostly --doing small chores does add up and goes well with the saying "sitting is the new smoking". Even if I'm on my feet making gingersnaps (yes I did that this month and they were a real hit!) that activity counts. I also do quick vacuums and bathroom wipe downs etc. In the past, I cleaned more thoroughly less often, I have really enjoyed the break in the day when I do some little chores that bring me both a burst of activity and a sense of pride in the cleaning itself. 

Meal preparation mainly involves lunches and occasionally dinners for work. I have found it is extremely beneficial if on Sunday I have 3-4 "main" lunch dishes prepared. One new main dish I have recently incorporated is chicken, tuna, or wild canned salmon salads with non-fat greek yogurt instead of mayo. I chop up lots of vegetables in it that includes spinach, pickles, carrots, jarred jalapeno, and whatever else I have. Sometimes I pack it as is and eat it with a fork other times I include a low carb whole grain wrap. I also pack a piece of fruit, fresh vegetables (carrots, tomatoes, radishes, with a few bread and butter pickles or a dill pickle or few olives), an ounce of cheese, and some nuts or seeds (a Tablespoon or 1/4 serving).  Once in a while I have stay late and eat dinner at work also and I have found Healthy Choice steamers or other similar meals to be an excellent resource. Environmentally they do add a lot of waste which is a concern. 

Looking towards 2020 I am offering to anyone interested, to be an accountability partner. I stopped using my app during Thanksgiving but have continued to weigh-in most days. Food logging the first of the year will be important for me and yet I find it difficult to do if I don't have someone looking over my shoulder. I am so proud of myself for giving myself a reasonable but true break from the strict calorie counting I had been doing from mid-July through mid-November. I can't remember ever taking a break from a healthy eating plan until I abandoned it completely due to reaching or nearly reaching my goal weight. Trusting myself is new but I am getting there. What do I mean by accountable? Whatever you want it to mean. For me letting someone know my intentions on a monthly basis and then having a weekly simple check-in would be helpful such as how did it go this week? 

January 2020 goals/intentions: do yoga 10 minutes a day 4 days a week (or get 40 minutes in over at least 3 days), walk at least 10,000 a day, take at least 2 - 25+ minutes walks a day, log food, stay between 1200-1500 calories a day aiming to have over 50% or more of foods coming from vegetables/fruits/whole grains and to have 70-80% or more be "clean" non-processed foods, incorporate good fats from olives/nuts/seeds/healthy oils, weigh-in each morning [I am taking a break from short jogs until March or whenever the temperatures are consistently above freezing].

Also moving into the new year I plan to continue to watch Dani Spies videos from her Clean & Delicious YouTube Channel especially from her playlist Health & Wellness & Weight Loss such as this one Clean & Delicious on not eating when you're not hungry.  (Note: she has promised a new course at the beginning of 2020- yay team!)

Happy New Year Everyone!

Much love to all,

AmyB

Noticing

Happy Halloween Everyone,
I am enjoying the fall as I learn a lot about myself. I've always heard that diets don't work and I wasn't really sure how that applied to me. I knew that extreme deprivation was not a longterm solution but that was not something I did. As I look at my behavior regarding healthy habits it is becoming more apparent that my struggle to maintain a healthy lifestyle longterm is a product of my way of thinking about it. Instead of thinking of being healthy vs. not being healthy, I am shifting to more of a sliding scale of choices and seasons. I continue to relearn lessons over and over such as when I took a year of not eating "white" foods and realized how much those foods were a struggle for me and how my intention and mindset kept me from feeling deprived. Similarly, I am recently learning the other side of that which is that it is good for me to have sweet and salty things in moderation once in a while so as to keep my cravings from sneaking up on me. Choosing sweet fruits or a little honey or maple syrup to top off my oatmeal once in a while is a great way to do this. Another example is from last night when I had a few chips with hummus while I prepared my dinner. This also relates to the amount of exercise I have incorporated into my lifestyle, it's a 6-day a week 10-minute jog/yoga habit that also includes daily long walks. Nothing fancy nor huge, yet sustainable as they are enjoyable and realistic for my lifestyle.

Noticing changes in my appearance is exciting, such as being able to wear certain clothes that have been too tight for the last year or two. I am proud of how I look and somewhat puzzled by the number on the scale. By the numbers, I have 40 pounds to go, while I feel like I look about the same as I have in the past when I would have only 10 pounds to go. I am trying to balance the accountability of the scale number with also allowing myself to recognize the healthy habits I have in place right now. I'm "already there" I've reached "the goal" of being a healthy person. So much of my outlook and confidence seems to only partially influenced by my actual size.

On a related topic, I am surprised that no one else has said anything to me about the changes that, my view, are very apparent. I have written many times here about how I struggle and don't know how to respond to this type of compliment and yet I find myself disappointed with the lack of comments as well. Maybe more people are reading this blog than I thought, lol.

With much love,
Amy B. H.

2019 Fall Try On and Activity Levels

Hello Everyone!

Below are photos of my internet purchase including a couple pairs of shoes I bought that I thought would work well for fall/winter. I'd like to wear the boots with my blue skirt I need to try them with stockings. I love my new jeans size 16! (no more elastic waistband, woot woot!) high waisted is back in style and I could not be more pleased. I think the pink top will look nice with slacks/skirts eventually. I have a sweater on backorder, I'll share at a later date.

In other news, I have recognized the value in keeping busy as a way to be active. I'm not one to do long workouts but 10 minutes of yoga or a short jog feels sustainable, I've been doing each of these 3 times a week for about 2 months. Additionally, I take 2 - 30 minute leisurely walks a day, I am on my feet a lot for my job, and recently I've been making a conscious decision to "be busy at home". By being busy I mean staying on top of simple cleaning chores and packing my lunch at night. I make sure to get at least 10,000 steps a day (not really hard with all that I mentioned). I like the balance this brings and I find I'm really excited when it's time for yoga or my short jog. 

Enjoy the photos--

Lots of love,

Amy B.

Grey Wedges to wear with tights in winter (can you find Chester's tail?)

Side View of wedges (and Gerald)

New Boots--trying on with leggings...am I brave enough for this outfit?

New dressy blouse and jeans --jeans: yes --blouse: not yet!

Back view of  blouse --showing bulges

A T-shirt I've had for 2 years and can now wear comfortably!

Used to bulge in the back like the pink blouse -woot! woot!

Shrinking Body Image

Hello Friends,
While in my late 30's I joined a gym that used a circuit of resistance equipment. Coaches at said gym required their members to be weighed/measured each month. Additionally, the coaches would use a device to measure body fat percentage. Members could additionally sign up for special classes on nutrition etc. that included weekly check-in appointments rather than the usual monthly. I had a lot of success at this gym: I loved the other members, the coaches were very friendly and welcoming, and overall it was a great place that I would continue to recommend today. This membership was a staple for me (with few interruptions) until my mid-late 40's when for various reasons things in my life were in some minor transitions I decided to take a break from the obligation to go to a place 4 times a week. Jumping ahead to present-day I am soon turning 51 and, as I have shared, over the last 4 years I have taken some breaks from worrying about diet and have thusly gained a considerable amount of weight. As I move forward I continue to reflect upon successes and struggles of the past. In the case of this gym membership, the percentage of body fat number was an obstacle for me as I viewed my body. It communicated to me that I never was close to achieving my goal. And the slightest upward movement communicated that I was not maintaining my weight. The coaches were required to use it and they would base our goals from it.

[Side Note: I remember one particular conversation where I mentioned that if  I was at a friend's house and they offered a meal that was not on the plan I was going to eat what they offered, that was what I felt comfortable doing. The coach said that was she wouldn't. I knew myself pretty well at this point and I knew that was not a sustainable view -- words I did not have at the time...also the coach was about 15 years younger than me...not that age is a deciding factor of wisdom, but in this case, I felt she was speaking a bit out of turn.]

As I reflect on my struggle of maintaining weight and listening and reading about behavioral science strategies and dietician advice I am drawn to the idea of not worrying about size or shrinking but again about how I feel. When I took a year off of certain foods I learned a lot about how I feel but one thing I did that (though valuable in its own way) I would not repeat is the idea of depriving myself. I am learning that when I am hungry I need to eat and when I am craving certain foods I need to pay attention to my body. I am still having a regular monthly cycle, I know that I will be hungry during certain times of the month followed by a drop in appetite. That's OK! When I'm hungry, truly hungry, I should eat. Having a plan of what types of food are my go to's is important. I stock plenty of vegetables and fruits and I am learning what is appropriate when it comes to grains, nuts, meats, and dairy --- and even fun foods.  One way I am practicing balance is this -- each Sunday we go out for Mexican food and I enjoy 5 chips and then order a meal with lots of vegetables and I take home half of the meat.

One struggle is that, when it comes to eating choices, I am all in or all out in terms of healthy versus could be better. It is really hard for me to eat at work because I do not want to eat too many sweets or "give up" calories. I want to start trying small amounts and not avoid social situations or deprive myself. I am working towards finding a balance. I keep mentioning Dani Spies -- she is really a great source of help to me. She talks about not focusing on your shrinking body but how you feel etc. She also gives practical advice about being patient about practicing how to be intuitive about hunger and that when you are learning something new you will get better at it with time. Sometimes you will slip while you are learning. Furthermore, I struggle with the scale -- yes it is going down and this encourages me, but should I "just" focus on my physical and mental well-being? a question for the cosmic void?--- for now, I'm continuing to weigh in as that is how my phone app is set-up.

In my app readings this week it was suggested that when you find yourself in a stressful situation to imagine a birdseye view and try to walk through the decisions regarding food and stress eating with a wider lens. Monday evening was a stressful time for me I found myself (at my hungriest moment in the day 5:00) having to challenge a customer service representative regarding a warranty for a relatively high ticket item we had purchased in June. Needless to say, I lost my battle but more than that I felt like the evil enemy. I related to Elaine in a Seinfeld episode as "my chart" at the store, I frequent, now said "difficult"? I got home and wanted to eat all my feelings. Instead, I stepped out of my head, as best I could, and talked myself through making good choices and sitting down to rest. I was depleted.  With practice, I think I can continue to get better at this and I am starting to trust myself more and more. It is also nice to have some videos I can watch when I need a pep talk --one that offers reasonable, practical, and encouraging advice.

On a lighter note, I ordered some clothes today that I am excited to share in a future Blog. Three teasers: a pair of jeans, dress boots, and a crop necked sweater. (Will they fit?)

With much love,
AmyB.

Blogging About Logging

Happy Monday Everyone!
I wanted to leave a quick note about how I feel about food logging. I am a fan! I resisted it for a long time but have found it to be super helpful. Like anything, it is important to be realistic about how sustainable a new habit will be. Dani Spies (one of the YouTuber from my last post) talks a lot about sustainability, a struggle I've had in the past with weight loss (maintaining). She is NOT a fan of calorie counting but did mention in one of her videos that after the holidays, when she's let herself indulge a bit more, she will calorie count/log her meals until she gets back on balance. I believe for me that it's going to take every season ie: a whole year for me to do what she does in a week. The app on my phone makes it easy to track this and even though I'm paying for extra services right now eventually I will switch to a free version for the rest of the year. Food logging is not a prison for me it's the opposite. For example, last night when I ate pizza and wings I put it in the log and did not feel one ounce of guilt. I was honest about how much I ate. Do I want to eat pizza every night? No. Fun food once in a while is realistic and done in moderation is a sustainable lifestyle.

I have crossed a huge milestone in my weight loss one that I have mixed feelings about sharing because it is so real and sharing it makes me feel vulnerable. It's just a number and so here goes --and maybe I think I just need to say it to verify how unimportant it really is (does that make sense?). I went down on the scale from over 200 lbs to under. Seeing a 1 in the 100's place is a great feeling! I have lost about 25 pounds total since the first week in July. More importantly, I feel fantastic! My energy is up up up! When I look at myself in the mirror I see better proportions, I can reach my toes, and I can lift my legs up high. I treated myself to a new skirt and shirt (see photo above).
Thanks for reading---much love,
Amy

Two YouTubers Who Inspire Me

Good Morning Blogg,

While the internet and more specifically social media have their downsides to them I have found some solid positives. In the past couple of years I have continued to grow my YouTube subscribed list and while it is an activity I need to moderate two channels have recently given me a real boost and I am excited to share them.

The first is Sierra Schultzzie. She is a 23-year-old self-labeled mid-size woman whose main message is body positivity. She often uses fashion as a venue. Anyone who looks into my sparse wardrobe knows I am not someone who focuses on my personal fashion but I admire others who do. More importantly, though I love her energy and raw wise insights. I wish I could send her to myself 30 years ago. She is a fun young woman who is not afraid to share deeply about her struggles. I deeply relate. More often she shares about her victories on mindset and this gets me pumped! 

Here is a link to one of her more popular videos where she tries on size 12 jeans in many different stores and reviews the fit: https://youtu.be/TvO3_GwUsIU

Title of the video: Trying a Size 12 at 12 Different Stores!

Sierra gets real about her feelings while at the store Hollister: 4'20"

The second channel is Clean and Delicious with Dani Spies. I'm not sure of her age but I'd guess she's in her 40's. Most of her channel is recipes. Dani's recipes are a whole food approach with a lot of meal prep. At times she will feature certain dietary philosophies such as vegan or gluten-free eating. Dani has also shared her own struggle with body image and eating and is very open about her journey and hearing about others. One of her older videos that resonated with me is about setting goals.

https://youtu.be/FelYDYWnXcw

the title of the video is: 

Weight Loss Tips: The Secret to Setting A Weight Loss Goal (Or Any Goal)

Thanks for reading and as always share in the comments anyone/things that inspire you and/or your thoughts on the people/videos I shared.

With much love,

Amy B.

Updates

Hello Readers,
I have made some changes lately and I am feeling really good physically and emotionally about them. For the past two years, I have put on a lot of weight but have not been ready to do anything about it. I have not been upset with myself but rather I really have just let myself "be" ok with this choice. I took a diet from dieting. I really do not want my health to be driven by aesthetics but rather more about how I feel inside. However, I had gotten to the point of, once again, not wanting to look at myself in the mirror. It's a balance. How I look does play into my confidence and ultimately my health. It is a "vital sign" if you will.

On July 7th (2019) I made a decision to make some changes regarding my eating choices. This decision included me purchasing a phone app that charges me a little over a $1/day and includes: daily behavior science readings/coaching, group check-ins, daily food logging, weigh-ins, exercise logs, and more. It has been very helpful as a tool. I have avoided the scale for years but am currently using it as "A" means of measuring my health. (It is down 13 pounds btw!) I am excited that I have had a mind-shift and that I am in a place of better body care. I can already look at myself in the mirror, tie my shoes w/o problems, and have a feeling of pride in the choices I make each day.

With all this positive I do have a lot of nervousness about facing people (See Oct 5, 2016 post  "maybe you'll keep the weight off THIS TIME" ) and also about not being able to maintain this mindset. The app readings are REALLY helping me understand my triggers and motivations (both physical and psychological). This knowledge is extremely helpful and I love how it is telling me not to 'give up' any foods or consider them bad. My yearlong journey of previous posts 2016-2017 was never about that either but it did sort-of play into that mindset in some ways.

The scale is going down and I do love that and I am starting to fit into the dresses I bought in early 2017 which is so wonderful as well. But more importantly I feel so much better, I am trying to focus on that the most.

I have not decided if I will continue Blogging this journey or not...comments may sway me. If I can help anyone at all I would really love to know and will gladly jump into this Blog regularly.
-Amy