For the NEXT Pandemic...(this is the Sight reading one, lol)

Dear Readers,

For the NEXT Pandemic...Yesterday (3/30) my school administration texted out to the district that we will remain closed through Friday, May 1. Later the teachers received an email regarding staying tuned for how we will begin online/distance learning. Let me start by saying, I would not want to change places with anyone who is having to make decisions such as the ones my bosses are currently making or have recently made. That being said, the critic in me has some negative thoughts and hurt feelings. When I play them out I realize I am actually thinking the opening phrase...next time. When I say or write that out it is ridiculous. My current feelings of hurt stem from my perception that I am not being valued. I counter that thought in my mind, in order to balance the heaviness, with thoughts that include "next time it would be better to _____ so we will keep in mind all stakeholders and therefore we can make better decisions for students". Processing the pandemic isolation is new for all of us. My sisters both directed me recently to Brene Brown's podcast [link below] who wisely suggests giving each other the benefit of the doubt. In other words, we're doing the best we can and that when things are new we need to push through --that this is one way we grow. Brene also admits "I don't do wobbly well" and that being new at something equals being vulnerable. She further explains that if we give up on this awkwardness of doing new things (like trying a new exercise routine, or food logging app), we risk halting our growth--- when we stop growing we start declining --instead, Brene suggests that we embrace the discomfort of exploration.

Life Lessons From Sigh-Reading --I was able to relate this to how I approach teaching and performing sight-reading music. Sight-reading is one of my favorite thing to teach (I also enjoy it as a performer)-- It is a next to perfect way of assessing what my students can do. For those of you who may not know, reading music for the first time or sight-reading is a category that is adjudicated for large group high school music ensembles (both instrumental and vocal) at state festivals. I did this with my band director in HS and now I teach it to my students. In our state (as was the case for my own HS experience), the director and students have 6 minutes to discuss the piece before they perform it at sight. No sound may come from the instruments during these 6 minutes -- not even a click of a drumstick. In the end, the groups are scored based on both their use of the discussion time and the performance that follows.

In the weeks leading up to this annual event I spend time preparing my high school students for both the 6 minute prep time and the music reading. During this preparation, I often say the following to my students:

"during the 6 minutes ask me questions or let me know if you notice difficult parts you may need help with --ask me things like 'are the trumpets the only ones doing this rhythm during these measures?'. I (as the director) am looking at all the parts at once so I'm not as likely as you are to notice where your part is difficult or that you're the only with that part-- so during the 6 minutes, let me know what you notice so we can try to prepare for that before we begin to play"

"keep going, whatever you do, don't put your instrument down" 

"don't worry about what mistakes you make --

anything you get right is a celebration, this music is new--you have a free pass to 'mess up' "

"If 'all' you do is track where we are in the music --that's awesome...keep trying to jump back in...messing up and figuring out how to get back in is more difficult than not messing up at all" 

During this time of isolation-- I'm not sure if we got the "6 minutes"  or maybe THIS is the 6 minutes --  hard to say. I guess it doesn't really matter because both the 6 minutes and the performing are both wobbly and new. The take away's for me from the FFT podcast linked below are that we have to push through new things (both big and small) to grow, that it is important that while we're pushing through we take the time to both define or name what is new, communicating our needs, and recognizing that this is not ALWAYS gonna be new. Keep that instrument up and keep trying to jump back in...attempting to jump is a sign of growth. These sentiments reinforce Hank Green's Vlogbrothers video "...Obliteration of Expectation" where he discusses "Wuthering"  shared in a previous Blog post.

Brene Brown defined power as "The ability to affect change and achieve purpose" --ie: "Embrace the Suck" [paraphrased]-
Brene Brown Podcast 3/20/2020 FFTs (warning --she curses sometimes)

Flute Plan -- Cecile Chaminade's Flute Concertino and Bach's Minuet in B minor are two pieces I am working on during this time alone. I decided I wanted to challenge myself to really work on something thoroughly rather than to just play through a bunch of stuff. These two pieces are very challenging and I have never performed them. I am going to work the measures slowly as I was wisely taught (and now teach others) to do, bit by bit, over and over. For me being a forever student of music creates greater empathy as a teacher.

No Deodorant --TMI?

Self Motivation Reflection --applied to healthy eating and activity levels--I have observed over many decades of weight ups and downs and mindful eating ins and outs that I tend to slowly decline and incline in my level of motivation. I am hoping to recognize the small declines early, adjust accordingly by increasing my accountability, and thus, avoid a full stop.

Monday Blues (still?) I was surprised by this yesterday 3/30...how is Monday any different than the weekend when I'm home every day? I defined this as coming somewhat from the limbo feeling of not knowing so much about what is ahead. If I knew this would end at ____ point I could make out my "plan" but that's not possible...instead my plan needs to include "staying flexible".

Waving---  As I frequently walk my dog these days, I notice people (both strangers and friends) are happy to look up from their own walks, biking, and cars to give a friendly smile and vigorous wave --it feels like more than just a wave --I interpret it as we are saying, "yes I'm keeping my distance too...I see you and I'm glad I do". I also, as mentioned in my list post, enjoy watching from both the back and then moments later the front window as I wave to my husband "good-bye" and he waves back each morning on his way to work -- Gerald (our 80-pound coonhound) and I do this together each morning. (Pre-Pandemic it's only Gerald who watches from the windows, or so I've been told.)

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Reality Check: Dr. CR

Hello Readers --

This morning when I checked FB I was immediately hit with a FB post from a HS friend of mine from an eastern state, my home state. I officially met this friend when she and I were freshmen in HS band together. We both played flute and she, being very outgoing, initiated visits to her house within weeks of meeting. She and her mom would host movie nights for 10-15 our teenage girlfriends (at the time I remember thinking how odd to have a video player, VHS, in your house? that's silly there are only a few videos you could ever find to watch...this was a relatively new technology at the time and pre-Blockbusters --what's Blockbusters? ---pre-- pre-Netflix...lol). My Dad liked to ask me about this friend 'CR' --he would ask about her and her parties which were mostly us getting scared over Hitchcock  (dated films in the mid-'80s) where we literally ran out of the room at the end of Rear Window--- but I digress-- CR was first chair in our HS's top concert band-- a qualifier for the State Band in both her Junior and Senior years, class president freshman and junior year, and our 1986 Valedictorian (a class of about 300 members). As we neared the end of HS --CR would not share her ACT score (I asked her is it bc it's low or bc it's high? --- "high" was the answer)  -- I teased her when she said it was difficult being ranked first in the class --that she got rude remarks about it...to which I let her know the troubles of being 63rd in the class!--- my ranking-- (Yes I was and still am a real pill!). One thing that she said to me has stuck with me and in many ways inspired my own career path --when talking about her plans after college she shared "I don't know exactly...but whatever I choose I'm going to take it all the way to the top"-- by top, she didn't mean money-- she meant she would study it all the way --as far as she could.

And she has--as she is currently Board Certified Family Physician and she has her own private pracitce. She has returned to the same area where we met (in order to be close to her parents) and has a practice that she started a couple of years just North of the town where we graduated from HS together. After researching her practice's FB page I was heart struck and inspired by the way it is set-up-- she has a membership fee that is payable by the month--it is a Direct Primary Care Practice. Her mission statement (my title for it) is VERY patient first- --"no rushed appointments" etc.

This morning Dr. CR posted a lengthy FB post in answer to people asking her how things are going.

Here are some quotes:

• How can I explain the terror and sleeplessness that haunt me with the knowledge that 10% of my elderly patient population will not be here by the end of the summer?
• ...the fear that I must rely on ONE 3-year old N-95 mask to last through the months ahead because my supply order was cancelled without notice?
• How will I endure not seeing my elderly parents for months because I cannot risk transmitting the virus?
• We [doctors/nurses] didn't have time to stock up on TP, or even the next night's meal because we were scrambling to find non-existent public health plans or masks.
• We [doctors] are studying late until the wee hours scavenging limited studies and reports of hopeful treatment options.
• ...[we are} cramming computer courses to transform our care into virtual telemedicine visits overnight.

She pleads for us to---offer our local physicians a roll of TP or a meal (especially on March 31st Doctor's Day)

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Teddy Bears (also another way I "caused?" this)

Teddy Bears around town in people's windows. Families walk/drive around town and count the bears.

Drive-In/thru Church -- a local church is setting up a way to have speakers outside so people can have church "together" from their cars in the parking lot
Another church -- made a big meal and made to go/delivery orders

Government looking at ways to compensate for lost wages --"tax" refund
Unemployment rates are alarmingly high

I "caused?" this #3 (see earlier post for the first 2) because I was not planning to go to graduation....and now there is no graduation?
I'm a DIVA --Enneagram 4

My reaction to my local county deciding to close schools through April 30th date (I was expecting the next date to be after Easter) caused a lull in my spirit. Down to my core I do not think we're going back but with each decision made my soul is saddened (not that I disagree). It is the opposite feeling I get when we get a snow day.

Overeating Ham -I've had it for dinner two nights in a row And. I. Just. Can. Not. Get. Enough.
Weigh-ins -holding steady -- within 2 pounds of the next 10's place but the ham...the ham!
Pistachios with no shell, bad idea! --so buttery, too easy to eat 1/4 cup at a time (this is a no food logging week, and it shows). Oatmeal with lots of fruit/peanut butter high-calorie breakfast but worth it because it really sticks with me

Research officially started today Friday, March 27 --I did a Testing ZOOM recording with husband (backup recording on a phone app). I feel I can not publically (via social media etc) celebrate because others in my cohort are halted. I also wonder if during this time, if sharing normal life victories is insensitive. Should I have halted my research out of respect to others? On the other hand, if I did not have my research stuff, I would be stirCRAZier.

Home climate --husband is doing work that is the part of the iceberg no one sees. He is calm but noticeably more alert-ive (I invented this word, you're welcome) than usual. I, on the other hand, am not responsible for much for my work and am home. We are in a good rhythm and it works well to have some time apart. If/When he is sent to work from home we may need to make more adjustments.

Lean into this!
When my Dad died the week that followed was very special to me. Family and friends reached out to my sisters and my mom and I in ways that were overly loving. As my husband drove me the 4 hours to the neighboring state where my parents live the morning of Dad's passing I was very overcome with both sadness and "awareness" both the sadness and the joy. I felt so much deep joy in the privilege of knowing how much I would and do miss my Dad...that I love him fully with no reservation. I knew too, much like the birth of my children that this was a very special time. I became at peace with the stance I would have that I was going to take it all in, and give it all out, the best that I could. Years later I watched this video where Link (yes that's his name) shares about losing his parent-like figure who was his grandfather. Link shares when his grandfather was near death he decided to "lean into it" (the pain) 39'15" (Ear Biscuits below) and how well Link puts into words how I felt in September of 2013.
Link (Ear Biscuits) "Leans into it" -the loss of his Grandfather

Leaning into this time of isolation  "Be in this moment"-- the solidarity --the uniqueness of the situation etc -

--  a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 

    a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance

-From Ecclesiastes 3

Time to laugh -this video from an amazing young YouTuber who sews costumes and other outfits using repurposed fabrics. She is silly and, at times, insightful.
Her joke "Sew-cial Distancing" absolutely slayed me!
Micarah Tewers DIY Snow White Costume

As always thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Journal-bad dream & other musings

Dream set-up

• I applied for jobs this fall/winter -- nothing came of it until early March when I declined an interview because I had decided to remain in my current position [I recently told my husband that I am so glad I decided to remain as this is NOT the time to be starting a new position.]
• Tuesday I sent out about 50 recruiting emails for research interviews (25 teachers/25 principals)I didn't connect at the time that my neighbors was one of the principals until yesterday when I saw said neighbor out walking with his family and he mentioned the email. Then as he passed by (we did not get within 10 feet of each other during this exchange) 

He said, "[Insert the name of my school] shut down" 

I said "yea, I guess we all did" 

He said "we're still doing cyber instruction" 

(That stung! His words rang in my head the rest of the day.)

• Finally, I chatted online briefly with a colleague from a neighboring school to my job, who mentioned she had a meeting with her principal to discuss her teaching plans.

Dream -- I took a job in a neighboring district and was starting my first day-- since my school had "shut down". As the day got going, I had intense regret. In the best of circumstances, starting a new position is always very difficult. In this case, I had not had a proper good-bye with my work BFF,  my students, and I had left things undone. Plus there was so much that needed to be done in this new job, it was going to be very challenging in several ways. Needless to say, I was relieved to wake up and realize it was a dream, although this reality has nightmarish aspects.

YouTube/Social Media -- I Can NOT watch a movie, I have no patience for it right now, and usually, I LOVE movies. I am addicted to my YouTubers to name a few: 1) Colleen Ballinger (AKA Miranda Sings) had coincidentally decided to Vlog every day of March so that progression has been interesting 2) Instagram stories with Kelsey Nixon, she is expecting her surrogate to give birth any day now --I've been following this since before the implantation process, etc. plus she has other stuff going on in her life -- she's upbeat and I appreciate her grateful way of doing life. 3) Doctor Mike's weekly videos are always very informative --right now I'm living for his balanced interpretation of the media/politics as related to the virus 4) SarahBethYoga!  she recently "Liked" my YouTube comment where I let her know how much her videos have helped me in my 50+ pound weight loss. [When a YouTuber likes your comment --you've been tapped ---it's a really cool thing!]
I am absolutely NOT on TikTok!  --so tempted but .....NO! 

Local News Update from last night (pm Wed March 25, 2020)
The county adjacent to the one where I live, (the county where I work) has reported its first case of the virus. A 70-year-old woman who has very limited interactions with others in the county but had traveled recently to a highly-populated area. Our state also reported a spike of more than 100 cases in the past 24 hours.
3/26 Thursday 8:00pm update for the county where I live -- new county ordinance...in short...No School through April 30--- for the school's where I live...what about where I teach?  no word ....yet!

Wednesday 3/26 Zoom meeting with my students -- they did not show up. I set a new one for Monday, April 6th (unless we have school). The university where the dual credit is issued, has allowed a grace of grades during this semester of forced online teaching. In short, there is protection and safety for not failing or losing your grade if you don't or can't get all the online stuff done.

Closing thoughts --

• I see a lot of families walking together and/or walking their dogs
• M-Friday FB hours for me --no FB from 8-11 and from 1-3 (unless I'm posting for my students)
• My sister and her husband posted pictures using old shirts to make reusable/washable paper towels
• TP discussion this morning with my husband re how to share it is mute bc Amazon canceled my order due to limited supply ---we have 3 1/2 rolls left
• My 20 minutes of playing/listening to music is going extremely well -- had to make myself stop after 45 minutes of flute practicing this morning 
• I'm really enjoying The Open Ear Podcast -- I'm up to episode 8 for tomorrow

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

AmyBH

Journal Entry Wednesday 3/25/2020 --Did I "cause" this? lol

Two thoughts about how I may have caused us to not have school -- etc...

1) In January when I was making a form for my band students' data notebook I made the title Spring Semester 2020 but I only allowed enough places on the form for 1 quarter. (uh oh...)

2) When I was prepping the HS band about this year's State Festival I told them how hopeful I was and what scores I thought we could get and then I wanted to balance that...so I also said but scores aren't everything: "As far as I'm concerned we could go home and have summer vacation right now, you're already there. You've already shown me what you can do and I'm very proud of your progress this year." (wait...what?)

Something fun!

One of our local nice restaurants celebrated "takeout Tuesday" yesterday by giving out a free roll of TP with every order of $10 or more. [In our town right now restaurants can only do takeout or drive-thru orders.]  --how funny would this have been for a restaurant to do this any OTHER time? lol

At Walmart Wednesday-- Not a big change from the grocery store last Friday. Fresh produce is not a problem at all, there is plenty. I got everything I had on my list except I was looking for gluten-free pasta for a friend whose son has a special diet --there was none. Starting last January, my husband and I have been eating fresh whole foods, rarely any processed foods. Good move because the pasta aisle and the prepared food, especially canned soups, is really low. The paper products are not available including disposable cups and plates. I did notice there were diapers but limited brands. Also, the pet aisle was extremely low on food, there were mostly just treats not the food. I went to the farm store too and they had some, but limited brands. There were paper towels but it had a sign that said to limit to one per purchase, and they were very small generic brand rolls. My husband requested ham and I was not sure I could get that but I actually found a 3.5-pound spiral cut ham which was a perfect size for us to still have leftovers -- never seen one that size before.

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Journal Entry #4 -a list

Recent thoughts:

• missing the commute?  -more specifically missing the time in my day where I drive in the country and listen to podcasts or Audible books
• local well-known man dies, he was the local grocery store manager for several years before retiring and then getting diagnosed with cancer...no funeral
• Continuing to ask myself "How is this situation serving or growing me longterm and right now?" -Dani Spies
• Monday 2/23 great job with no videos all day...yikes I sure was on FB a lot...limiting those hours moving forward
• Doctors and nurses are pleading for masks
• Mama Doctor Jones -OB-Gyn YouTuber I love!  (also Doctor Mike)
• Summer Plans to go to Nags Head-- house rented ...?
• No recycling (due to campus closing) how do we deal...throw away...keep in the garage
• watching the windows as my husband leaves
• Keeping my same schedule of showering/yoga before my husband leaves --dressing cute when I need to get a lot done, doing my hair
• grocery store low on meat, my school gave me a turkey for Christmas--I have taken it out of the freezer to thaw...irony?
• hand towels to one at a time on the rack-- sanitizing my phone  --drying our hands is important
• soda stream
• hearing from my Dual Credit student that we have a date tomorrow to Zoom--such joy! (I've been checking the CANVAS analytics like I used to check my PO box in college...refresh!)
• must limit my time on Blogger---surprised by how much I enjoy writing freely 
• Shared Blog URL Posts on Hank Green and Dani Spies video comments to "let them know" how much their videos on Wuthering and Dealing with Stress meant to me (us)
• Lesson from WIC -"we are the food offer-ers" --applied to now -- "I am the music/education offer-er" --this is in response to a leader saying "we can't make them do it" --How is that any different than all the time? Why should all be neglected because we can not hold students accountable? I choose to offer up ideas and show that I am spending 20 minutes a day M-F making or listening to music...no pressure just doing my craft because I believe in its value and I believe it is important to encourage creating and to share what is created
• Three things to keep in mind when creating -- 

1. Be present
2. Try
3. Be Unafraid to Fail  -from John Green's wife Sarah Urist

Journal Entry #3 and a Mindset Rant

Monday, March 23 --
The first thing I noticed on Facebook this morning was that I had been invited to join a new group -"Local Needs During Quarantine" this group is growing quickly. People are both offering what they have and asking for what they need. Some are even offering to be the transporters while others are not sure what to offer but want to let others know they want to help however they can. I am filled with hope, that when the TP arrives, I'll be able to help others.  ["we say hopefully a lot" -HNB]

I also remembered a few things from the last week of school -- First off, I remembered something my husband had said to me when I had mentioned the seniors and how they were missing out -- "this is their story" and that is how I framed them keeping a journal, that eventually keeping a journal would be so interesting.

The second more silly thing that I remember is between an 8th-grade student and I. We have a special bond  -[back story TMI --she got a bad bloody nose last fall and I found her in the restroom dealing with it after school -- I jumped in to help got her loads of paper towels and ran to where I knew there were clean towels and told her to take it home with her and not to worry about bringing it back...days later she came up to me and said: "Mrs. Haddock I don't think I ever thanked you for helping me that day, I'd never had a nose bleed before...thanks so much". Ever since then we speak to each other and I recently had found out she was hugely into TikTok and I told her I am not allowing myself to add that app because I know I will love it too much. She continues to campaign for me to add it and often shares "good ones" with me. ] In regards to our last week of school, she asked me on Monday, March 16th when (not if, lol) I thought we'd be getting out of school. I told her that I had no idea but if this was just a game I thought Thursday.  ---That afternoon we got the news that Thursday was our first day off. She and I had a good laugh about this on Tuesday morning. -- I miss my students.

Today I played my flute for 20 minutes and I made a post on the Tarkio Music group page encouraging 20 minutes of play a day.
I listened to the episode "On Being Home" on the podcast The Open Ear Project about 7 minutes while I walked Gerald around the park.

General weight loss/health thoughts -- a mellow rant.
Weightloss and Labels --Earlier this month I shared the following in an email I noticed a few days ago that at 160 (about 5 pounds to go) I will be "overweight" and no longer "obese" these words are not the best IMO but it's nice to know I'm nearing a new category! 
On YouTube and probably on other social media I have noticed a trend of body positivity. Women, and probably men too, who campaign the idea of loving your body at whatever size. I agree with a lot of this sentiment although in some cases I think they are taking this too far. To the point of hiding their heads in the sand in regards to potential health issues associated with being "overweight" such as diabetes and heart disease risks. 
That being said I was not thrilled during the health screening at my work on March 9th where it was determined I was overweight. This is not surprising but last year, at this same clinic I weighed 30-40 pounds more, there was no mention of this. The clinic worker also noted all the areas of my health that needed improvement. My blood pressure (it was fine!) but it was on the high end of fine, my cholesterol (it was fine!) but my good cholesterol "should" be higher. ABSOLUTELY NO mention was made of how much better this screening was compared to my last year's data. The next day I found last year's data using the clinic's webpage login and found that I had improved in almost every category. At 51 years old and someone who has put A LOT of thought into this I was mentally OK but what about the other women and men who go to these screenings and come out feeling shamed and unhealthy and fat? What if they too had recently reset their mindset towards a healthy trending lifestyle and now they are discouraged?
Let's be careful. Balancing between these two mindsets of embracing body positivity and finding the next health goal is difficult. As a qualitative researcher, I highly value the story behind the numbers. It is good to ask questions. "I see that your good cholesterol is on the low side, what do you know about adding omega 3's to your diet?" "I see that your blood pressure is marginally on the high end of normal, tell me about how you cope with stress?" Using the words obese and overweight without any regard for lifestyle and past data is harsh. It's difficult to learn that on some charts I am currently obese. What was I at 220 pounds last June? I understand that there was not a lot of time for these discussions but they also could have just shown me my numbers and pointed out where they landed compared to the desired ranges. There was a tone given of me not being what I should be.
On the other hand, I understand that health care is extremely complicated and I highly respect these workers and the fact that our insurance is attempting to teach us how to take care of ourselves.


As always thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy B.H.

As I finish final edits I will add that the afternoon came with a chance to deliver three bags to the food pantry of things we had that they needed Yay!
Also, a message that my research was approved by the Institutional Review Board for my dissertation. This is amazing news and unbelievable timing. The results came back faster than expected especially considering the campus is closed and on "Spring Break". Nice that right now I'm home. It sort of makes me anxious and nervous but mostly thrilled to be moving forward.

Journal #2 (Attempting) Healthy Isolation

Good Evening Readers --

News update -- our governor has decreed that through April 6th we are to be in groups of 10 or less, we may be out for supplies and to go to work. It also includes schools being closed --now we have to be closed, from what I've seen/heard most of the schools had already closed.

Mental Health check-in -- I am feeling shame and guilt, I learned recently this is a common feeling of Enneagram 4's (also 2's and 3's) during unexpected bad news. I feel guilty that I'm not teaching my students and I'm getting paid. Especially because I see posts from my friends from all across the state and all they are doing for their students. I feel shame that I bought paper products online and maybe I'm causing the hoarding situation to be worse. I feel guilty that I watch so many videos and hardly ever read a book. I know I shouldn't feel this way and that I am not "to blame" -somehow sharing this validates the thoughts while also putting it into perspective --and will hopefully help me to stop resaying these things over and over in my mind. See the video link below where Dani talks about ways to reasonably redirect our thoughts. 

I want to be reasonable but I also want to challenge myself.

Here is a list of 'rules' for myself the next two weeks while we're off from school/work. 

1) No video watching during the day from 7:30-3:30 M-F (when I would normally be teaching)

This includes any TV shows, YouTube, Instagram Stories, Netflix

The only exception would be if my husband is home (at this point he is still going to work) and he prompts us to watch something together.

2) Podcasts may be allowed IF they are not a video and if I'm being active while listening (like sorting a drawer or cooking etc)

3) make a to-do list for two days or more at a time -what does not get done goes to a new day later

4) Journal here regularly - a minimum of once a week

Dani Spies suggests Journaling #7 in this video she posted last Friday--She also suggests coming up with a schedule --I better add that to my to-do list, lol.

How to reduce stress + anxiety -Clean & Delicious
5) Increase Yoga from 10 minutes/4 days  to 15 minutes/4 days a week
6) M-F Spend at least 20 minutes a day playing an instrument &/or listen intently to something challenging like a classical piece such as something from "The Open Ears Project" podcast --this is me "working" and being a good example for my students and also I do love to play!
6) Be kind to myself -- get done what I can and relax --evenings and Sat/Sun no plan, watch videos --or whatever and enjoy!

Events of the day and reflections --Today I watched part of our online church service. My husband played his banjo while I played guitar -- he put on a Youtube video playlist on our TV with chords and familiar pop/folk songs from the '70s/'80s. We normally go out to a local nice Mexican place after church. Today I ordered from them online and we picked it up. We ate at the kitchen table. We usually make a burrito with meat scraps and a tortilla for our dog and save a little treat for our cat so we did that today as well. After lunch we drove over to a park with a huge field we like to let Gerald run in and that's where we gave him his burrito, like a usual Sunday. It feels good to do something that is the same (or very close to the same) as usual. Mealtimes, music, walking our dog, sitting with my cat--- all these things are a huge comfort to me every weekend. This weekend was no exception. 

Dani Spies asked: How is this circumstance a good thing? How am I growing from this?

-- it is giving me lots of time to work on my research project. I am learning to be self-disciplined and to test the waters on my healthy eating habits and increased activity w/o the structure of work.

Thanks for reading!

Stay well,

Amy B. H. 

Healthy Isolation -- Journal Entry #1

Dear Readers,
I find myself particularly emotional today and I am feeling a sense of urgency to get my thoughts down this morning. I want to begin by saying above all - I am grateful -- some of this may seem like I'm complaining, if it comes across that way, please know that is not my intention. I'm simply sharing what I am feeling and what I remember. I agree with social distancing and the hard decisions that have been made to cancel events etc. In order to cope better, I'm writing it down. I feel well I have all I need and I am grateful.

I am redefining this Blog during this "unprecedented time" as I feel it is important to document my point of view along with the events that occur as they unfold. I am already behind and that is why this first entry is so long. As I spoke to my HS and JH band students in our last days together I encouraged them to keep a journal even if all it says is "today this happened and I felt ....". "Our memories are unreliable but, one day, a journal can be priceless." [paraphrase] I'm an Enneagram 4 and how I most identify as such is that I have a sense of urgency about connecting life events and making meaning out of them that are eternal. Not necessarily in a religious way but definitely in a profound way (at least to me they are profound in my head).  That's why my favorite genre of books are biographies especially autobiographies. I love hearing how the events of someone's life are connected for themselves and others and how I become connected to them by reading about them.

Another big reason that I wanted them to journal (and so I too must keep a journal) is that a friend of mine from college who majored in religion and history shared the following historical reference on Facebook on March 15, 2020, and it really helped me to start to connect this time into my own life's expectation.  

Another Time Same Quarantine Rules CS posted March 15, 2020
Final thoughts CS

Starting with last fall and into the first part of 2020 I had heard about and watched videos on the Coronavirus and for the most part, I was "Staying Alert but not Anxious" as directed by my main source Doctor Mike on YouTube see example video below:

Doctor Mike COVID-19

I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back this was the beginning of my "obliteration of expectations" --as better explained by Hank Green -
Hank Green vlogbrothers The Sudden Obliteration of Expectation

Students and some faculty would mention the virus and I was not engaging in these conversations. Even when I went to visit my mom and sister 4 hours away in another state the weekend of March 1st I did not want to engage in this type of talk. My mom greeted me with a joke about not being sure she should hug me (she had the news on who were reporting on the topic). Around this time I was noticing more posts on FB some jokey some about toilet paper being in high demand etc.

My decision to disengage in the topic changed the week of March 9th. My husband traveled by air to Virginia on March 10th and when he left all was the "same". The week before leaving he had mentioned to me that he had been in meetings about it, he works on a University campus but I did not know all the details. Starting on the 11th? I think it was the 12th (this is why keeping a journal is so important I'm unsure of the exact time) things started to get canceled in all directions. Local and across the state University campuses were not coming back from Spring break, going to online, etc. Firmly by Thursday, March 12th, my friend's daughter was headed to watch State HS Basketball and had to turn around and come home because each school was only allowed so many tickets and her daughter and her husband were just going to be spectators not from a particular school. That night we had a small ensemble and solo concert at school a "mock" contest to prepare our HS students for the real District festival scheduled for March 28th. Other similar festivals across the state, scheduled for earlier have already been canceled so we know ours likely will be. Top ratings from these district festivals go on to state festival.  How can some districts have it and not others? Down deep we already know the answer, they can't. 

On the day of March 12th, I learned also that so many things had been canceled-- professional sports, all spring college sports seasons (the whole SEASON), music festivals, endless field trips, and HS/JH sporting events...the list goes on and on. By the time of Friday the 13th we all were feeling the impact ironically and literally. On Friday the 13th I told my dual credit students to take their textbooks home with them and to keep communication with me on email a regular thing. "no matter if we have school or not we are going to try to finish this course online, you've already paid for it".  On the morning of Friday the 13th, I had announced to the band that even if we did not have our Festival (and likely we would not) scheduled for March 20th (our festival had not officially been decided at this point) "I will have an alternative festival that day here at school".  That night I got my haircut and had "therapy" with my hairdresser/friend since 1996 regarding the events of the week. Her husband is the radio voice of our local University sports teams. The local university DII basketball team had made it to the finals of basketball --but the tournament scheduled for the weekend of March 14th had been canceled. We talked about the stores too, the empty shelves. Afterwards I went to our local Walmart and found all that I needed and noted the empty toilet paper shelves (I was not in need of this).

When my husband returned Sunday afternoon we joked about how much had changed in just a few days. I learned that his sister would be forced to quarantine for 2 weeks when she returned to her home state. By late Sunday night, the public school in the town where I live (along with my sister's school in NV) stopped classes. By Monday morning I had a new plan for the band-- put away the festival music and get out something new while we're still together. At this point, I was slowly understanding why things were being canceled. Over the weekend I read a post about the flattening of the curve and social distancing and I slowly started to get it. My friend's post (above) from March 15th really helped make it sink in for me.

Monday, March 16 --On Monday morning before school, we had a special called faculty meeting about 2 new students (bro/sister) who had a lot of challenging circumstances. At the meeting, a colleague said "I thought this was a rouse and that we'd actually be meeting do discuss plans if/when we close" My principal responded by quoting our superintendent "we're not closing, they'll have to make me close"

First hour HS Band Monday morning I said, "I know a lot of things are up in the air but I have decided we will not have a festival, not even an alternative one, things are too much up in the air and I want this to be decided" I also made a joke to my colleague work BFF "maybe we should be getting out Pomp and Circumstance" to which she laughed and then we both sort of realized at the same time that yes we should be and also we need to find a song for the choir to sing at graduation (hopefully).

By 2:00 that afternoon we had an email that said all faculty/staff should meet in the auditorium-- long story short all the area school administration, health officials, and DESE had met all day and it was decided to close. Most schools closed effective 3/16 or 3/17 but in my county, the 3 schools joined in solidarity to stay open through Wed March 18 "to prepare better" they would stay closed through April 3. Things will be reevaluated on the first of April. That night my husband went to a church meeting and it was decided to not have church services for the next two Sundays

Tuesday, March 17 -- I wore green. Emotionally I was beginning to really have that back and forth Hank Green talks about in the above link. Sometimes I felt extremely hopeful even still thinking this will all blow over soon and at other times I imagined the worst dystopian movies I've ever seen as my near future. My BFF colleague texted me about getting out P & C and I got emotional (the song always makes me emotional, it's so symbolic---Enneagram 4 here!) but especially so this year knowing we may not have graduation at all. I asked my husband because he is not a 4 and yet he agreed and said he thought we should. In tears, I left a voice message for my daughter.  I was so sad that morning for the seniors not just about graduation and prom and senior trip but also the small stuff. The missing out on complaining about the last days of school, you're supposed to hate every last day or be sentimental about them or both. But you're NOT supposed to have them pulled right out from under you.

Since the beginning of January (as has already been shared on the Blog) my sisters and I have been checking in with each other and being accountable -- for this week's check-in my sister wrote on 3/17 (I added the bold and took out the names of the apps):

Through all of this, I'm SOOO glad to have started and ended [paid weight-loss app] and the whole mindfulness weight loss thing when I did. Even with way-less-than-usual activity over the past 3 weeks I have lost nearly 2 more lbs and broken through that 5-in-the-1s-place goal. The transition from [paid weight-loss app] to [a free app] tracking has gone smoothly, and [new app] is free so therefore much more affordable :) Example of benefits of having done [paid app] as I was stocking up at the store, I found myself getting excited about new recipes to try with fresh vegetables vs. what baking I'd like to do while we're stuck inside ;)  Reward: I decided to try on a pair of jeans I'd put in a pile called "Get Rid of If I Still Can't Fit Into in a Year" when I was Marie Kondo-ing clothes last year and they fit!!  

I really relate to the above paragraph and am so encouraged by it. My other sister decided this is the time to start logging her food using an app and in just 4 days she already is seeing the benefits of doing so. The link below also discusses keeping things in perspective, tips on staying healthy, and balancing things during this time of Quarantine. 

ObesetoBeast Quarantine Diet

Tuesday 3/17 John Green, eloquently puts things into words in the below post --
John Green vlogbrother Together

Wednesday, March 18-- it's the last day of school I have told many students who play school instruments that if they want to play at home to please take the music and instrument home. I hear many HS students saying that this might be our last day together for the year, they are joking but also shook. My last 5th-grade band class was a low brass sectional. The 3 young musicians worked hard and were sad for the class to be over saying "I'm going to miss band" "I don't want to leave class today". It was my turn to go to the school board meeting and so I stayed after school until the 7pm meeting. While there I zoomed with my doctorate advisor who helped me with some revision questions and final IRB decisions. She said that if I need to do my interviews on zoom that would be ok and would not change the IRB. I am concerned that people may not respond to my email requests but then again maybe they have more time than usual. Hard to say but I am worried about it. She said when I'm ready I may submit to IRB. Yay!! Then I spent 2-3 hours posting on CANVAS for my dual credit class for the next two weeks. At the board meeting, many phrases are framed as "if we come back this year".  On the way home around 8pm, I receive texts from my daughter that CA is going into a lockdown (not sure if that's the right term) and that the company she works for is being effected and that food is scarce.

Thursday, March 19- I see a post on Facebook about a Twitter feed encouraging us to put up Christmas lights to show solidarity and hope in this time of darkness. I hang our icicle lights over our front porch steps and make an Instagram and Facebook post quoting both the Twitter feed and a "You've Got Mail" reference I've always loved "It will all shake out. Meanwhile, I'm putting up more twinkle lights"

My first day home I get a lot of errands done and sort of need a day to unwind and de-stress after having worked such a long day on Wednesday. I send a voice message to my BFF colleague that "we will always frame our future typical complaints, once this is over, with ...' at least we're here' '' I also believe students will have a new appreciation for school. My husband had not been able to get a hold of one elderly woman who had no internet re the church cancellation so I called her. I offered also to her to let us know if she needs anything, I do not know her personally but she was very thankful for the contact and we chatted for 20 minutes. I see on FB that other doctoral candidate friends have had their data collection halted because of the virus (in some way or other their methods depended on school, either K-12 or University, being in session) -- I feel like a brat for being just worried about low responses, a problem I would be facing w or w/o the virus. My data collection is not halted. Around 1pm I sent an overnight package with some staples we had onhand to my daughter. By this time the local University (and many (all?) in the state) are going to online the rest of the year.

Friday, March 20-- the day our band festival was supposed to occur. I got my IRB submitted. My husband will still go into work but he is one of very few. As of 5 pm, the local university is closed to visitors and most staff are working from home. I ordered toilet paper and paper towels online. It will be more than we will need but we have room to store it and maybe we can share it with others.  I made plans for the next few weeks on my dry erase board with groceries to be on Monday. I get a call right before dinner from the elderly woman from church she wondered if we knew where she could get powdered milk -- a solution "for the longterm". We went to the store (I was nervous to go there bc I didn't want to see the empty shelves). Many shelves were empty while others were pretty much normal. Toilet paper shelves were empty. We got her a bunch of cans of evaporated milk and 1/2 gallon of fresh milk with an April 6 expiration date and took it to the woman in need. She was very thankful and said the canned milk would work fine for the long term also. There was plenty of produce so we got that and a few other things for ourselves. The mood in the store was pleasant but not normal.

Health update and final thoughts --My weight continues to go down, I am keeping my food logging every other week and activity up to my expectations and I am considering how I might increase my activity next month especially in light of the warmer weather and with the fact that I'm less busy. One activity I want to increase is to post more often, not this long...with frequent journal entries of both physical and mental health during this special time of quarantine.

Stay well!
-Amy B.H.