Future Travel (not to be confused with Back to the Future)

Hello Readers,

Travel Impact
Many states are beginning to ease back into normal social interaction. It is hard to be sure how this will play out and when is the right time etc. Some feel strongly about wearing masks and staying in isolation longer while others seem to be living no differently than normal ie: taking maskless trips to the store for just one item.

Mama Doctor Jones is a gynecologist who has become a popular YouTuber. She is good at explaining medical issues, is a mom, and is funny. I linked a video below that doesn't exactly show her funny side but is a good introduction to her style. She recently shared in a comment that she felt that the COVID19 would have long-lasting effects on travel -specifically country hoping. She and her family had been planning to do just that starting this summer and have had those plans halted indefinitely. She likened the changes to what we experienced after 9/11.Mama Doctor Jones Why did I pick this field?

This video -- all countries at 21! made me ponder even more what Mama Doctor Jones had shared.
Great story of perseverance and so timely since she got it done before the pandemic and thus may not be replicated (by this age again) for quite some time.

Higher-Ed Impact
I filled out a survey from my D1 University asking various questions about how I felt the University handled COVID19 and how it had impacted my studies. It left room for both positive and negative responses on a variety of topics. Some may say that a positive aspect in general society is figuring out that many of us can work from home and offer some continued flexibility when quarantine is done.

Environmental Impact
While presently the environment has enjoyed less air pollution thanks in part to less air travel. I wonder how the higher emphasis on being sanitary will impact people being cautious about reusable bags. The issue of plastic bags is an ongoing struggle for me personally as I watch grocers taking into consideration the differing views when bagging groceries. I believe in reusable bags but I am weak in practicing it.

My Own Take
I feel anxious at times both wondering how to go to the store, what I'm comfortable with, and if I'm offending anyone. At the same time, I have caught myself judging others and the way they are conducting themselves. These are thoughts that are new and I wonder how long they will continue. Once you notice germs it's hard to go back. I remember my aunt and uncle pointing out how a restaurant gave out ice cream cones with a paper bottom and they liked that because it meant that their hands didn't both touch money and the cone. Once they told me that, I could NOT un-notice this.

I am on a journey of discovery regarding my way of dealing with the carbon emissions of cattle and more importantly the abuse of crowded cattle and other creatures. I like what Temple Grandin says about treating the animal humanely while it's breathing while still eating steak. The thoughtful practice of this vegan who became a butcher is my goal. Vegan to Butcher

Gratuitous quote since I couldn't find the one I wanted to use and because this one is so true for me in my own research!

“Fieldwork is probably always more likely to be holistic than lab work or mathematical modeling because in the field you can’t get away from the whole when a research project starts.”
― Temple Grandin, Animals Make Us Human: Creating the Best Life for Animals

Research Update
After about 6 weeks of data collection, my advisor has given me the thumbs up to start coding and looking for themes. Two important pieces of data came in yesterday morning [insert happy dance]. The dining room table is covered in transcripts and I'm ready to get at it, once I stop journal stalling and get busy.

Perfectionism is Under-rated (Pete and Re-Pete)

Dear Readers,

Journalist wanna-be
I enjoy playing games of make-believe in my mind. As I Blog, I pretend that I am writing future book chapters or magazine journal entries. The cosmic void or journaling without editing is valuable but for now, I am enjoying the thought of writing for something beyond myself and my own life. It also forces me to edit and perfect my writing more than I would if it was just for me.

Perfectionism is a word that often gets thrown around in a negative light. I found this WW video (link below) on 7 things I tell myself to get things done. Craig (aka Weezer Waiter) is very insightful and I like his connections with points 2/3 of this video -Perfect is the Enemy of Good. Some like WW, need to struggle with the two and go back and forth. Others of us gravitate strongly towards one and need to apply the other in order to either move forward (if you tend to be a perfectionist) or to keep striving for something great/better (if you tend to be a get it done/turn it in type --me!).

As I reflect on myself with perfectionism I believe in working hard to prepare,  in being organized, and in editing my writing/emails/social media posts. That being said I am ok with letting others see my work in progress. I love the Lorne Michaels (SNL creator/producer) quote --“The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30."  This quote applies to so many things in my life: performing, getting my students ready to perform, and handing in drafts to my advisor.

While attending undergrad, I often pondered what it would be like to be on the other side of the Fine Arts building, where the visual artists studied. I spent much of my time preparing for a one time chance to perform a piece, nerves would inevitably set in during performances and this was often followed by disappointment when the 'best' run through happened in the practice room rather than on stage. I wondered, "what is the equivalent for the painter or sculpture?" "They know their work is going to be exactly as they set in the display for others to see....they never have to worry about nerves" this made me jealous. As I revisit this thought through the lens of perfectionism I have a clearer understanding of the artist's risk. It must be difficult to accept that or when the piece is done.  Perhaps there are parts that are not as they had imagined and yet the deadline is here and they must have something to "show". I know my sister who makes beautiful quilts has said she sees all the mistakes, while the rest of us are admiring her art with awe. The worst would be the paralysis of perfectionism keeping one from performing or sharing their craft at all. This is something both musicians, artists, and doctors/scientists/economists giving their best analysis regarding how to keep the population safe during a pandemic share. It's a lot of risks putting yourself and your work out there. It is an exercise in vulnerability. Everyone experiences vulnerability in one way or another when they introduce themselves to someone, apply for a new job, get out on the dance floor at a reception, share an idea with co-workers/boss, or when they dare to try anything new. In short, my own perfectionism must be kept in balance. I also need to recognize that others that are sharing their craft are doing the best they can and respect their willingness to be vulnerable. 

At the risk of repeating myself...
I have an uneasiness with repeating myself both here in writing and in conversation. There is validity in restating beliefs and stories. It is both comforting and confirming that who you are and what you stand for is reliable and unchanging. Not that changing your mind is bad -- it can be a sign of growth-- but you should know when and that it has changed --at least most of the time. In short, I want to share a blanket apology for if/when my posts in Bloggerland reach saturation and thus my examples, metaphors, and stories are in repeat mode. At times my thoughts feel fresh even though I may have said them dozens of times and other times they feel stale even though I've only thought about them in my head and never actually shared them with anyone.

As always, thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Food Adding (not Additives!)

Hello Readers,

I have been taking Dani Spies's advice for months and have accumulated a few new things into my diet/pantry staples. In the link below Dani gives several tips that are all great. At around minute 4 she talks about calorie counting and the pitfalls that this can become if we (I) let it. It is debatable in the wellness circles of YouTube if one should calorie count or ______ fill in the blank with various things such as intermittent fasting, hormone awareness, gut balancing, etc. I really like how Dani explains it, I have found her calming and fun approach refreshing and doable. The bottom line for me (for now) is that I still need to learn what is OK and logging and calorie counting/inventory-ing is teaching me new habits and overall awareness. Otherwise, I'm shooting in the dark, I believe in listening to your body and being intuitive but I need to keep these training wheels on.

Tips from Dani (Clean & Delicious)

Some of my staples:
Rolled oats
frozen berries (and fresh lately)
bananas
fresh spinach
Fage  (or store brand) 2% greek plain yogurt (big container)
fresh or frozen broccoli and cauliflower (I love to roast these in the oven --so yummy!)
frozen riced cauliflower (I like the Green Giant brand) -good for a stirfry and other meal fillers
pickles (bread & butter or dill --great snack when I'm craving a little something)
salad makings
block of parmesan (I cut into cubes for ready-made snack/treat, only 1)
balsamic vinegar (I recently discovered that I love this! especially drizzled on a salad of fresh spinach, cherry tomatoes, and strawberries)
Chia seeds -- mixed in oatmeal, or mixed with milk---creates a pudding
Ground Flaxseeds

I've mentioned this before regarding breakfast:
I enjoy ground flaxseed in my oatmeal, I put 1 Tablespoon with 1/4 cup of Rolled Oats and 1/2 cup of water a little salt and microwave it for 2 minutes--- I find the texture to be more satisfying than oats alone -- I can't go back. Here are some oatmeal toppings I enjoy:

• banana, 1 T natural peanut butter, 1/4 cup frozen blueberries or raspberries (or fresh if available)
• over-easy egg shredded cheese &/or meat (usually ham)
• over-easy egg with 1 patty of Morning Star meatless breakfast sausage (I put the "sausage" patty in the microwave while I'm cooking the oats then top with egg---delicious) 
• 1-2 Tablespoons of 2% Fage plain greek yogurt, 1 tsp honey or maple syrup, 1/4 cup berries

Recent addition:
nutritional yeast -yellow flakes (kind of looks like goldfish food), low calorie, vegan, high in protein - not a lot of taste, is creamy sort of like grated parmesan cheese, good on popcorn/pasta sauce/roasted veggies--I'm enjoying experimenting with it

Last weekend I made nut and seed crackers. [I had previously enjoyed making Chia Seed crackers] It took me a while to get all of the ingredients together, some are not easy to find. I swapped walnuts in for the hazelnuts, I used no sweetener, and all the nuts were salted and were not raw.

My Attempt at Seed Crackers

Here are two videos with recipes I made the first one:
Nut & Seed Crackers I tried
Other Seed Crackers

Lunch staple:
I like to make salads with the greek yogurt instead of mayo. I use tuna or wild-caught canned salmon or leftover roasted chicken mixed with chopped spinach, pickles, canned jalapeno pepper --I wrap this in a Joseph pita/wrap --great for packed lunch. I also make wraps with sandwich meat/hummus/spinach/pickles/jalapeno --mmm!

Things I want to try:
Acai/Acai bowls
Making my own meatless "burgers" &/or burger crumbles
Making my own "milk" from oats or nuts

In the news: 
It is becoming more apparent that economic pressures are clouding the focused efforts of quarantine. Some states are being super strict while others are easing off. Many people feel strongly that this is too soon to ease off and will waste all our efforts for the last few weeks. At the same time, the economic impacts are very real and can not be ignored long-term. To say this topic is filled with nuance would be a great understatement.

My Feelings:
I get nervous when I hear or see posts where people use words that are dividing. I worry that religious groups will rise up in the name of religious freedom. Some businesses and workers are fighting to work while others are fighting to stay safe at home. I worry that those who feel trapped will snap and do something ugly. Nova Scotia already experienced a shooting-- I'm not sure if the motive is known.

Toilet paper:
I heard a theory that it isn't just hoarding that has caused the run on TP. The mere fact that we're all home and not using school/work tp has meant that stores couldn't keep with the demand. 📈

Tomorrow -
I'm headed into work to finish-up some purchase orders for next year and to meet-up with the dry cleaner who will pick-up the marching uniforms. I am looking forward to getting out of the house!

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Journaling about Journaling

Hello Readers --
Journaling is something I've done on and off for decades. I have written as part of a ritual of prayer and thanksgiving and as a set of reflections of various year-long challenges in this Blog. Last fall I discovered the 9 Enneagrams and repeatedly I have confirmed that I am a 4. It is fun to discover how my 4ness plays out and to have it repeatedly confirmed. As everyone does I relate to all the Enneagrams but the 4 "gets me".  I feel understood. I enjoy "knowing" myself in a new way without being put in a box. As a Four, I relate to the struggle with balancing my need to be an individual and my need to be accepted and understood. I see this in politics I am extremely moderate. In religion, I attend an "Evangelical Christian" church but I cringe at many associations of this religion. I am not extreme, I am part of the silent majority, the middle.

Another, more personal way, the need to be understood plays out, is the conflict within me. I like myself a lot. I take care of me and make sure I don't get too stressed. This inner confidence is a conflict because it clashes with the self I project. I project humility or, more honestly, lack of self-confidence. The conflict between my inner and outer self-image often brings me extreme frustration. I regularly receive feedback that I lack self-confidence, for example: "if we can just get you to start believing in yourself more I think you could be an amazing leader" my boss said to me in January. This feedback is everywhere! Growing up my mom said it (I'm still growing up btw).  All of my principals have said it, repeatedly. My colleagues say it. My fellow grad students say it. When the same feedback keeps coming at you from so many angles, for so many years, there must be some truth to it to be gleaned. I crave honest feedback, I live for it, but I also sieve it repeatedly and wash it over and over in my head. I realized that the difference between how I feel about myself and how I project myself to others is largely attributed to the words I chose. For the last year, I have been paying close attention, as I may have shared previously, my need to resist the words "I don't know". I noticed that I often say it when I'm filling in lulls in conversation. It is common to hear that people who project cockiness are compensating for an inner lack of confidence. I recently realized that I am doing the opposite. I am projecting a lack of confidence to make-up for my inner cockiness. Helpful revelation.

Along this line, I enjoyed the video below by Abby Howe (link below). Once again I confirmed myself to be an Enneagram 4. Abby does a good job of both being funny and educational. She is an amazing actress and teacher.  This time of quarantine has reminded me of the season in my life (my mid 30's) when I decided to go back to school to be a teacher. My kids were attending elementary school and I literally found myself pacing my living room, crying, fists clenched, because I didn't know what to do, I craved a creative outlet. Thankfully, during this similar season, I have been journaling. One thing I really love about writing is that you can edit. Although the editing process is never truly done it is nice to be able to choose the wording carefully, to wordsmith, to correct mistakes, and project myself with a nice balance of humility and self-confidence.

The below working from home Enneagram video confirms my need to create (journaling outlet). While editing is nice, at some point I need "turn something in" (I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, wink wink).  I used to think that being in a hurry to turn something in (my philosophy in 6th grade) was strictly a weakness. I have grown to realize it is also a strength. While I don't want to publish Blogs (or my DiP) too quickly part of creating is sharing (privately or publicly). In short, journaling provides an outlet for confidence and humility.
Enneagram Types Working from Home

Applying to Practice is my "superpower" (in theory, lol) -in other words, I like learning things and then seeing how they may be applied in other situations. This skill has been extremely helpful in my course of study towards a dissertation in practice (DiP). One of the comprehensive exams was just that, a reflection of 2 years of course work applied to my practice. On this portion, I was marked exemplary by one of my 2 graders. [Update: my last 2 interviews are set for Monday this will be followed by other types of data collection. Next, I will be done with my 'break' from writing and will move into analysis/conclusion writing phases.]

I listened to Brene Brown who shared some amazing practical advice for how any group can allow for individuals to have space to serve and be served by developing a language and frequently checking in with each other. Expectations can be a great thing in a trusted relationship. Day to day reality does dictate a need for us all to be given allowances regarding the amount we can currently give. Checking in with each other and knowing how to communicate and listen to others regarding our current resource status is an important part of caring for each other. Here is BB's podcast on the topic:
The 50/50 Myth

Oh, the Thinks that you Think (Dr. Suess)...
I have been pondering the differences between sight-reading and developing musician skills --I don't sight-read at the same level as my students because I can read way better than them. Additionally, I did not start over each time I learned a new instrument. I can out read on any instrument because reading music is a skill I have honed for 1000's of hours. However, I do have enormous empathy for every instrument family and the challenges they face. My awareness increases whenever I try to learn something that's hard on the flute/piano/guitar/drumset, I suddenly wake up and realize "oh yeah, I need to not push them so hard when stuff is hard, it is work! and it gets overwhelming fast, and I want to give up and throw this thing out the window!"  Last summer on the drumset for Little Women I wanted to quit so bad --thankfully I didn't. When we face a crisis Brene Brown's 50/50 rule applies to each of us in different ways because we have different resources available to us. I bring a ton more to the table of "sight-reading" than a 5th grader, therefore, I can guide them through the process and teach them, that is my job. The students who trust me soar, when they persevere, because they let me guide them. I continue to grow in my ability to learn tough music but I will never start over. My teachers made me learn repertoire and etudes that were created in every key and mode and thus my muscle memory is well developed in every key and mode. It is an amazing skill set to have. When observing ambulance EMT's for a graduate research assignments months ago, I saw an example play out when EMT's were learning and discussing new procedures. The EMT's with decades of experience took on different roles than the rookies. The collaboration was effective and involved a lot of trust, listening, patience, trial and error. Quarantine is new to us all, thankfully there are experts (in health care, economics, statistics etc.) who have studied 1000's of hours and who are willing to help guide us through this difficult sight-reading excerpt.

Media:  
I am trying to ween myself from the need for notifications. Facebook is both my friend and foe, one of my sisters is currently fasting FB for a version of this fact, and I applaud that decision. While I enjoy staying connected I don't want to become addicted to it. Weezy waiter and his wife Chyna took a break from various things in a series of videos. One of them was the Internet.
WW no Internet Chyna is relatable
Quitting FB bc of need for affirmation was getting ridiculous --a summary of all this quitting

I finished The Catcher in the Rye -- I appreciated it more after watching John Green's commentary who gave me empathy for the character (Empathy --a theme of quarantine).
John Green part 1
John Green part 2 (CITR)

In the news:
1) a lot of people are giving -donating their time, their talents, their money --it is extremely inspiring
2) people are getting antsier (Michigan), demonstrating, wanting to go back to work
Not that this crisis has to be ranked, at the same time comparisons are helpful in processing things so here goes-- I attribute this crisis to falling somewhere between 9/11 and The Great Depression -- it is both global and individual. It has changed "everything" and it will have long-lasting effects. I can see 50 years from now, those yet to be born hearing from young people today "you're bored? I spent weeks at home with no school and no friends during quarantine"

HS senior stuff-- stadium lights on every Friday at 2020 military time, decorating doors to show there is a senior in the house, posting one's own HS senior pictures on FB, one of our HS staff is creating a video with all the teachers/staff sending a message to seniors, we adjusted the music awards this year and made seniors more of an emphasis than usual (some criteria was eliminated bc of canceled events). I believe HS graduation is a right of passage, it is more than finishing HS -- other graduations are ok to miss this one is not. (Prom is sad but you do get more than one chance at this and there are other dances.)

Weather -- we had both snow and sunshine this week--typical April.

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Quaran-teehee-n

"Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival."

-Aung San Suu Kyi 

[Aung San Suu Kyi understands quarantine as she spent a total of 15 years in house arrest. Watching

 The Lady "the woman at the core of Burma's democracy movement" is on my to-do list.]

Easter 2020

Hello Readers,

Sunday and Saturday were spent doing a lot of relaxing, some reading, and some napping, all of these on repeat. Saturday morning I spent a brief amount of time pulling weeds. In the afternoon the weather turned cold. For our evening meal Saturday night I made a ham dinner - my plate --

To top off this meal, I enjoyed not one but two, Reese's Bunny PB/Chocolate treats, Yum!

[We ate Easter dinner on Saturday because we continue to order takeout from our Mexican Place. ]

Other than this delicious meal a highlight of the weekend was an hourlong fundraising YouTube video (link below). I laughed at some points while at other points, I found myself celebrating Easter (Passover) with a deeper appreciation. I learned about the Jewish tradition of remembering Seders of the past, both the ups and the downs, lovely. I was brought to tears during Somewhere Over the Rainbow from 12'06" to 18'20ish--very moving.

Fundraising Seder 2020

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

ADITL

A Day In The Life --- (ADITL)

4am - 6am  weigh-in (got down to 158 this week!), walk the dog with husband followed by enjoying breakfast (oatmeal, peanut butter, banana, berries, flaxseed, coffee with cream/sugar), watch videos, check FB/Instagram (no baby yet!), blog

6am - 7am brush/floss teeth, Yoga video (M-Th-- I have this trick, if I do 4 days in a row I 'get' the weekend 'off'), shower/dressed

7-7:30 --set up morning 'jobs' that may include the following: update CANVAS for my Dual Credit students, setting up stand for flute, downloading podcasts to listen to while doing housework.

7:30 -8 walk around the park with dog/husband --wave good-bye to spouse from back & front windows

8-Noon -- practice flute, clean-up kitchen, prep lunch dinner, work on any grad work, take Gerald on walk #3, blog, organize something (last week it was my closest -- example: I didn't like that my blouses and dresses were all mixed up together -I also got rid of a lot of things like old wallets). Yesterday at 8am (Friday, a no Yoga day) I was feeling blue, the announcement that schools in Missouri would be closed the rest of the year was both not surprising and sad. As I further analyzed my mood I realized I was also hormonal. I needed a jumpstart to my day. I downloaded 3 episodes of The Open Ears Project and headed out for a walk/jog/walk. These podcasts are each 7-10 minutes long. I jogged for the second one. This was a game-changer for me pulling me out of my mood--the combination of the fresh air, being alone in the park, the music, and the jog --a lovely time!

Noon-1 --husband home for lunch, dog walk #4, eat/watch Netflix (currently we viewing The Office Season 8-- a favorite series for both of us)

1-3pm -- read a book (currently reading The Catcher in the Rye -not loving it but I'm determined to finish it bc it is one of my son's favorites and bc it comes up a lot in various ways), watch videos, nap with my kitty Chester, scroll Facebook, clean-up kitchen, have hot herbal tea. [Yesterday I was seriously craving hot chocolate hormonal, I found a recipe for chocolate syrup - delicious! ]

3-4:45 --walk the dog, finish, more of the same (see 1-3 above)

4:45-5 either walk to my husband's work with Gerald and ride home together or wait by the window (with dog/cat) for him to come down the driveway it's a lovely way to begin an evening with an 80-pound hound running (and a few howls!) to greet you

5-6--dinner/Netflix The Office -- for the last few years we have settled into this routine of mostly not eating in the kitchen, my husband and I talk on our walks, but when we eat at the table (just the 2 of us) the conversation is unnatural (not sure that's the best word). During these meals when we watch an easy show we often look at each other and laugh out loud together, etc.-- it's what works for us. --I find a lot of security in this routine that has played out. This adjustment of mindset reminds me of the following quote from an NYT article on sermons in 'empty cathedrals',

 “Every hand we don’t shake must become a phone call we make,” she said from the pulpit. “Every inch and every foot of distance we put between ourselves and another must become a thought about how we could help that other should the need arise.”
[The source is unclear, The New York Times attributes it to Rev. Kristen Kaulbach Miles of Trinity Church Wall Street.]

Here are some adjustments I'd like to make as I continue to wobble through life --

In my boredom - rest and/or create (unplug)
In my feelings of uselessness -wrestle self-worth/need for validation, find ways to serve
In my sadness -acknowledge, be present, process
In my gratitude -hover with deep breaths in and out
In my loneliness -reach out (also see uselessness and sadness above)
In my questioning of my use of time -day by day untangle the web of regret vs. dread -start fresh

6-7:30-- more videos (YouTube addict!), fall asleep on the chair with kitty, (sometimes) do dishes and take the dog on his very short, final walk...drag self to bed. Good night.

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Un-Expecting Plans

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that in my opinion, the teenage years would be the hardest to endure during a pandemic...but then I remembered one that I feel is way harder -- Expectant Parenting!

Surrogacy, was not the plan that Kelsey Nixon had for "growing a family" (her lovely phrase). Her plans first changed when she had a diagnosis that resulted in the premature birth of her first son, the loss of her second son in the first weeks of his premature life, and eventually the loss of the plan to grow a family through traditional childbirth. A source of continued deep sorrow.

A new plan included immeasurable joy when their 3rd baby, a girl, was born through surrogacy about 4 years ago. Last year Kelsey and her husband decided to pursue surrogacy, once more, with the leftover embryo from their daughter's procedures. Invitro fertilization often uses multiple embryos with the hope that one implants successfully. Kelsy's sister-in-law (husband's sister) had carried their first daughter and this time they found Megan. Mother of 4 who was willing to be the second surrogate. Megan had used home delivery in the past and was an acquaintance of the family. 

I follow both of these ladies' Instagram accounts and found their daily updates especially engaging last fall when Megan was experiencing the countless injections and the long days WAITING, to take the pregnancy test. The success of the implantation was riveting, there were more injections, and eventually, the pregnancy was considered "normal". Kelsey shared the PLAN to have Megan induced in a hospital on March 28th. That was the PLAN until --the global Pandemic.

About a week before the due date, Kelsey, now living in the same town as Megan, shared her concern for Megan being alone during the delivery. Yes Kesley agreed with the difficult decision hospitals were making but it was just that, difficult. The weekend of the 28th, Kelsey and Megan's Instagram's were quiet. March 28th came and went and...crickets. April started and Kelsey made a few non-baby posts. Eventually, at the beginning of this week, Megan showed up asking for helpful tips for inducing labor. Later that same day Kelsey shared from her account the new PLAN --for Megan to deliver, with both sets of parents present, at home. 

Meeting their newborn daughter in the parking lot was not a plan that either family was willing to pursue. Megan is more comfortable with home delivery and so a new plan was developed. Kelsey explained that for the surrogate the act of handing the baby to the biological parents is euphoric, Megan should not be robbed of this. Even though Kelsey had major reservations about birthing at home, [Megan, the surrogate, prefers home birth, she's done both] after much research, this is the current plan. Both moms are anxiously waiting for baby girl to introduce herself, whenever she plans.

These two families have taught me about selflessness and communication, they are setting an honorable example amidst frequently changing plans, a lesson that I hope I continue to heed passed this season of quarantine. 

James 4:13-15Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”

Three Recent Quotes 

My elementary principal shared this thought from the day our district decided to close. 💓 (not sure of the source)

Who is "essential"?

"I'm not doing the work of my office assistant and office manager...I'm doing the work of my student workers." -my husband

My Parents

"Suck it up Kay, we'll get through this, we always do." -my mom quoting what she says my dad always said

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
Amy BH

Calling

Hello Readers,

Teenagers

Last week I made approximately 30 calls to families from our school district. Prior to this, I had been pondering "what would I do if I was parenting right now" and had come to the conclusion that while all ages of children would be stressful in different ways, the one that I feel would've been the hardest is the high school years. The families that I was assigned to call were those with Juniors or Sophomores. I'm not a big fan of making phone calls, the following system streamlines the process: make a pencil and paper table, look up all the numbers at once before starting to call, and keep track when/who you left a message. In this case, I also added each family to my phone contacts. 

One mom, in particular, illustrates a theme I came across while visiting with various families -a need to be validated. This mom's son is a member of my HS band, a very active young man who frequently talks often about the several hours a week he spends mowing/landscaping, when he was in JH I knew he would be a track/cc star bc he RAN to lunch every day,  he is rarely absent and never late to school and is looking into vocational ed next year because in his words "college isn't for me". When I reached this mom it was Saturday morning and I said I'm calling to check on MD and see how he's doing. She said "he's not here, he's doing ok but he's getting bored, I let him go out and do some mowing..." she went on to explain how he begged and begged her to let him go and all the stipulations she made regarding keeping his distance, etc. 

The tone of this mom and others was that of appreciation for the call and a need for conversation and as I said, validation. I appreciated the opportunity to be a listener which validated me right back. I ended the call with "please let MD know how much I miss him" and, somewhat unexpectedly, I had a deeply emotional response as I hung up the phone. 

My work BFF has 4 daughters: 2 at home teenagers and 2 college age who are now at home doing "online classes".  I coincidentally (is this a God thing?) ran into her at Wal-mart yesterday (BTW: I got TP! the exact brand and size I usually buy --woot woot!).  Over the last few days, she and her senior HS daughter had enjoyed some time cooking together (she and said daughter often lock horns), that she was "letting" her girls watch more tv than she usually would, but that she was "making" her straight-A 8th grader do the school projects. All this and then she summed up with " but at least I don't have toddlers at home". Comparative. 

Years ago a 30 something coworker of mine lost her mother suddenly. I remember in her deep sadness, relaying how much harder it was on her 19 yo brother whose loss happened at a time when the relationship was not at its best between him and their mom. I've thought about her words a lot the last few months as I processed the loss my husband's cousin experienced last November. A bunch of teens took a silly joy ride on a Sunday evening leaving my cousin-in-law with one the deepest losses imaginable --the loss of her 17 yo son. At the time of the accident mom and son were not on the best of terms as evidenced by her son living with her mom the previous summer. Insurmountable pain. Thankfully she and her husband, and their teenage daughter have sought professional help. 

I believe pandemic caregivers have a lot of challenges and while they are in no way at the level of mourning the death of a son they are painful. My work BFF is raising her 3rd HS Senior -- who no doubt had expectations of her senior year -- how it would look like that of her 2 older sisters. She told her mom recently, "I'm going to put on my make-up, do my hair, and wear my prom dress...just to see it all together" --this is her "story" -prom has been canceled. 

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

AmyBH

Intentions: Fitness, Empathy, Easter

Hello Readers --
I love the word intentions, it says that I'm being mindful while remaining flexible- an important pandemic life skill. I have been in awe this week at the reinforcement I have experienced. Specifically, how something I'm learning in one area of my life gets (re)applied and/or taught by someone on another video, email, or post of some sort. Here are three examples.

Reinforcement: fitness
I did well with my food logging this week and my activity levels are also steady. I am dissatisfied with the scale who is at a bit of standstill. When I look at my weight loss trends weekly/monthly as kept track in my phone app, it is going down but I am anxious to hit 159.9 or lower --I've been teasing at 161-162 for the last 2.5 weeks. I bought 3 pairs of shorts denim, khaki and the ones below. I decided, weather permitting, this month I want to add some cardio/jogs into my walks. This idea was reinforced when I watched the linked video that teaches about "FIT" Frequency, Intensity, Time--as things to consider when wanting to "level up" in your fitness regimen --Thanks for that confirmation! [Insidentally- how the heck did the last pandemic-ers "survive" w/o online shopping?--also I am so excited to be a confident size 14 all 3 pairs of shorts fit!]
Walking Video--8:01 talks about FIT

New Exercise Shorts

Pockets, a must!

Two in one/leggings and running shorts

Reinforcement: Comparative Suffering/Pain -in my last post I mentioned the tendency to add a caveat to our own "complaints" because we know others have it worse. The next day I finished listening to the Tarana Burke podcast where this was given the term from Brene --"Comparative Suffering". I had probably previously learned this from the awesome teacher/author and was applying it to this current situation. Comparative suffering should be met with the understanding that our 'small' suffering 'counts' and may be used as a venue to create empathy.

Empathy and sympathy are often grouped together, but they are very different, Empathy is a skill that can bring people together and make people feel included, while sympathy creates an uneven power dynamic and can lead to more isolation and disconnection. -Brene Brown summary

The You've Got Mail example from Kathleen Kelly "...it ought to begin by being personal" applies well here also. I love how in the movie KK renders Joe Fox speechless when she completely redefines his worldview with this simple statement.

Brene Brown with Tarana Burke Being Heard and Seen

Reinforcement: Easter
Also in my last post, I mentioned how my sister/my pastor was unable to shove down dealing with how to feel about Easter in Isolation as I was currently doing. Shortly after posting this sentiment, I watched Mayim Bialik's video on how she was approaching Passover this year--she had also posted in 2018 about Passover -- Passover 2020 and 2018 Passover .Passover cooking

I am frequently struck and challenged by Mayim's thoughtful way of approaching life. One may not agree with her and she with them, she allows for that so generously while also doing things the way she thoughtfully and transparently is compelled to do. She reminds me of my pastor/my sister who the very next day sent a wonderful personal narrative to my sister/my teacher and me that included the link of a post that reflects her views on Easter this year. A vision for a humble Easter
--I could do a whole post on the evolution of my faith. Themes would include-- my struggle with eternity, how I'm a fraud-a hopeful agnostic, no hell, heaven?-- Coco movie "Remember me" to list a few.
For now, I will share that during this pandemic I had not been able to watch any church service links/videos all the way through. Because I rarely "miss" a Sunday I was wondering what was wrong with me. Both my sister and Mayim helped me to normalize this feeling. I realized that I could not focus on the videos/streaming because they made me cringe, I've always struggled with tela-pastoring. I also struggle with "live" musicals-- for me, some things need to be experienced in the same space.
I have reset my intentions and expectations, as stated earlier, important pandemic life skills.

Thanks for reading.
Stay well,
AmyBH

The Plan --

In order to offer our students education the 6-12th grade faculty have been divided into 5 teams:

1. Science
2. Math
3. Communication Arts
4. History
5. Guidance

Every group has 4 teachers except Guidance which has 3. I am on the Guidance team. I have the sincere privilege of working with our 2 Guidance counselors to come up with a few projects for our students to work on related to Guidance. There are certain stipulations for students who want to pull their grades up. Also, we spent the last couple of days calling all the students' families and checking on them. Our principal divided the students up among each team. Tomorrow my team and I will meet with our principal to finalize the projects we've been discussing via email. I got this plan, after my last post and I am impressed. True there is no music, but I expected that...I have made offers on our FB group for lessons. No takers. From what I've seen being posted on FB by both parents and teachers many seem overwhelmed and have too much to do. Time will tell how the students and their families respond to our offering of projects. 

Related to this, I was impressed with Mayim Bialik's perspective on education in general and the differences between Homeschooling (what she and her ex-husband do) and what is currently going on with families trying to teach and work etc -- She has a somewhat awkwardly, real way of approaching life that I love --

Mayim Bialik -Your Homeschooling Questions Answered

[--While I'm at work tomorrow in the next county over, a more rural setting, I plan to see if I can find TP...we're down to 2 rolls, one in each bathroom.]

Stream of Consciousness

I have found this week that I am distracted by thoughts that I want to Blog-- 

• Once we "go back to normal" will some of us (me?) have trouble getting back into being with people? I don't have any kind of diagnosis but once in a while (pre-pandemic) I have gotten nervous when I'm away, at the store, "too long". This makes me wonder about those with true social fears, getting released back into the world again. So many repercussions to consider from all of this.
• I mentioned that I had a touch of the blues on Monday -- playing the flute really helped. I've been pondering the difference between sight-reading and really working on a piece of music. I find that I really enjoy just breezing by stuff, working out the hard stuff is so tedious. Often it's the 'B' section that needs the most work -In other words, I have the top and bottom but I need to work out the middles more. 
• I also have been realizing that my "whatever you do, don't put your instrument down" relates really well to my tendency to gradually gain/lose motivation to make/not make healthy choices. "It's ok to mess-up just keep trying to 'jump back in' " is good advice...I need to listen to myself and apply this in many areas of my life--"It's harder to jump back in than it is to not mess up at all"   --good stuff!
• I hear a lot of friends (posting or texting) or others on YouTube the saying following or similar caveat --"I don't mean to complain"...."it's not really a big concern, considering" -I've said it too. It's a good thing to say, it means we're trying to keep things in perspective. However, I also think it's important to realize it's personal and it stings. You've Got Mail quote -- "It's not personal it's business" which Kathleen Kelly wisely counters with "whatever anything is it ought to begin by being personal" [I may have blogged about this before, so forgive me] but I believe that as we look at circumstances the really BIG stuff is see-able from far off ie: we can see it happening to others and we know it's bad and really hard. That doesn't mean that the stuff that's close to us, that we can also see very well, is not hard -- it IS and because of its proximity we can feel it, it's touching us personally. As most things-- there's a balance to be reached.
• Encouraging quote from the pod cast Open Ears Project -

"great music transcends time, Happiness = Happiness" 

Open Ears Project 10. Rachel Strauss 

I also recommend Empathy Podcast -- also great!

• My 20 something nephew got tested this week, we're still waiting on results. His concern? for those who can't drive the 80 miles he did to several clinics only to find out that he had to come back the next day to be tested. 
• I've seen people posting pictures of their pets and referring to them as "co-workers!" --Love it!
• Post of elderly people being visited through windows, some meeting newborn grand-children that way (is this stuff real?--also I'm not crying--you're crying!)
• Related-- teaching students through windows --drive by teacher parades where they go through neighborhoods and wave to students and bring signs. My town is trying to convert our Teddy Bear Hunt --putting eggs in windows to eggs --for an Easter egg hunt
• Easter in Quarantine? not a fan of this --shoving that down deep so I don't have to think about it...my sister the pastor doesn't have that option 
• Usually, this time of year my Instagram and FB photos include lots of flowers-- hmmm --sorry guys--I've been neglecting you --the daffodils are lovely!
• Winner of the "made me choke up with pride for the goodness of humanity" or the "Look for the Helpers" award goes to the HyVee grocery manager I saw putting red squares of tape 6 feet apart on the floor for each checkout line Tuesday. Dressed in his nice white shirt and tie, on the floor --trying to protect us. He had a cheery disposition, considering, and when we chatted momentarily he said: "other duties as assigned..."

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH