Mean Mirrors and Hoarding

Last night was kind of a fail for me, I ate extra parmigiana cheese after my meal. It's not that I over ate exactly it was the way I was feeling like I was out of control. Is there ever a place for that kind of eating? I'm not sure there's an answer to that question. I've been trying to figure out what happened to lead up to this. I always want to fall back on hormones and that is the 'season' I am currently in: a few days before my cycle when I tend to be interested in massive amounts of fatty carbs and chocolate. I also had a hectic day that led to no time for lunch, I ate part of it after work but being hungry all day was not comfortable. It's hard to get around it because sometimes my work gets in the way of eating. When this happens in the future I need to recognize it and work through it afterwards. I have found that thinking through my future eating ahead of time is a really good way to be prepared so I can aim to avoid stress and binge eating. Here are some important victories from last night: I noticed what I was doing and then I stopped, I switched to and ate some nut mix, I wanted to have some hot chocolate but enjoyed tea with a little honey instead.

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I saw myself in a full length mirror at my hair dressers and I did NOT like what I saw (this was just before the binge fest above). Some mirrors reflect me as bigger than other mirrors. I've also noticed that when I'm hormonal I don't like to look at myself as much. Body image is so complicated. My aim is to NOT focus on size/appearance but I continue to struggle with it often. I AM eating healthy and it turns out that's easier to do than to accept my current size.

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I caught a rerun of Oprah last night about a retired couple whose grown children had contacted Oprah for help with their mom's EXTREME hoarding. I could relate to a lot of the struggles the woman shared (she had a shopping addiction, she loved to find 'deals'). The experts on the show said it was very important for the woman to make her own decisions regarding her stuff and how to sort through it all. I admire her so much, especially the fact that she allowed videos to tape her as she sorted. Her adviser asked her questions and then guided her as she figured out the answers. "How many bins do you need for storing gifts" (she enjoys buying gifts for her loved ones). First she said "8" pause "10" pause "12" then she said "I'm afraid 10 won't be enough" in short her adviser said, "12 leads to... (pointing to her mounds of stuff)". She also talked through her sorting with a psychologist, who helped her discover the roots of her hoarding. I can only imagine the fear she had going through everything and the worry that she would go back to her old ways again after everyone from Oprah left. I have similar fears. I've done this work before, why should this be any different? (negative self-talk but still important to ponder)

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I know slow and steady is important, eating well is important. I love eating these new things I'm not missing French fries or popcorn (this says a lot especially when I'm selling popcorn in the concession stand).

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I went to my husband's staff & family picnic this week. Wonderful choices offered. I filled my plate with many wonderful salads, a little meat, and baked beans. I didn't even have dessert because I was satisfied. Great success!