Learning to enjoy each moment as it comes:

The Dance

I measured my waist last night it was down 1 1/2" from 2 weeks ago. I question the accuracy of my measuring. I did it twice, feeling the tape around me without pulling it tight. If it had read bigger or the same I would have felt bad, why am I struggling to enjoy and trust the results? I do notice a change in my shirts fitting better, I think I was in denial that my clothes were fitting tighter. Presently results equal clothes fitting rather than becoming looser. I need to be here in the present and not looking ahead to the end. My sister shared an important video recently about life being a dance (rather than a journey that awaits the end), I need to enjoy the moments as they happen. When I dance I'm not considering a place to end  up, I am paying attention to, feeling, and responding to the current rhythm.
Here is the video:

Alan Watts - Why Your Life Is Not A Journey from David Lindberg on Vimeo.

My purpose: focus on gratitude, play along with others, and live in the moment.


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Last Monday I stayed after school to set-up and supervise the Senior concession stand. I was on my feet going up and down halls and standing until about 7:45 when I headed home. When I got up from the chair to head to bed I could barely walk. This is a common occurrence for me after a day like this. There is something about the way I walk when I'm preparing for something that is different from how I use my legs for a walk in the park. Maybe I tense up more, maybe it's the surface of the floor, the stress of the event or some combination of all of these. I have had this in the past (when I'm at a heavier weight) and the only thing that solved it was being at a healthier weight. It's like my legs are telling me, "we weren't meant to carry this much of a load." Currently it lasts all through the night (making for restless sleep) and into the next morning: the first 4-5 steps are next to impossible and then as I walk the stiffness lessens continuing to work itself out as I slowly walk. I am writing this down to document it as one of my current rhythms.


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Last night was good night I made a tacoless taco salad. We ate a little later than usual as I was blogging until about 6 (usually I'm anxious to eat at 4:30). I felt so great having the pleasure of writing to look forward to rather than just the evening meal.  I thought I would have something more later to eat after a lite dinner but I wasn't hungry so I went to bed. I've been getting to bed usually by nine and my stomach is ready for breakfast when I get up at 4-5am. This morning I had my favorite breakfast lately: 2/3 cup of oatmeal, 2 Tablespoons shredded cheddar cheese, covered with an over easy egg along with a half cup of coffee (mixed w/ half-n-half/1 tsp of sugar).

Mean Mirrors and Hoarding

Last night was kind of a fail for me, I ate extra parmigiana cheese after my meal. It's not that I over ate exactly it was the way I was feeling like I was out of control. Is there ever a place for that kind of eating? I'm not sure there's an answer to that question. I've been trying to figure out what happened to lead up to this. I always want to fall back on hormones and that is the 'season' I am currently in: a few days before my cycle when I tend to be interested in massive amounts of fatty carbs and chocolate. I also had a hectic day that led to no time for lunch, I ate part of it after work but being hungry all day was not comfortable. It's hard to get around it because sometimes my work gets in the way of eating. When this happens in the future I need to recognize it and work through it afterwards. I have found that thinking through my future eating ahead of time is a really good way to be prepared so I can aim to avoid stress and binge eating. Here are some important victories from last night: I noticed what I was doing and then I stopped, I switched to and ate some nut mix, I wanted to have some hot chocolate but enjoyed tea with a little honey instead.

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I saw myself in a full length mirror at my hair dressers and I did NOT like what I saw (this was just before the binge fest above). Some mirrors reflect me as bigger than other mirrors. I've also noticed that when I'm hormonal I don't like to look at myself as much. Body image is so complicated. My aim is to NOT focus on size/appearance but I continue to struggle with it often. I AM eating healthy and it turns out that's easier to do than to accept my current size.

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I caught a rerun of Oprah last night about a retired couple whose grown children had contacted Oprah for help with their mom's EXTREME hoarding. I could relate to a lot of the struggles the woman shared (she had a shopping addiction, she loved to find 'deals'). The experts on the show said it was very important for the woman to make her own decisions regarding her stuff and how to sort through it all. I admire her so much, especially the fact that she allowed videos to tape her as she sorted. Her adviser asked her questions and then guided her as she figured out the answers. "How many bins do you need for storing gifts" (she enjoys buying gifts for her loved ones). First she said "8" pause "10" pause "12" then she said "I'm afraid 10 won't be enough" in short her adviser said, "12 leads to... (pointing to her mounds of stuff)". She also talked through her sorting with a psychologist, who helped her discover the roots of her hoarding. I can only imagine the fear she had going through everything and the worry that she would go back to her old ways again after everyone from Oprah left. I have similar fears. I've done this work before, why should this be any different? (negative self-talk but still important to ponder)

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I know slow and steady is important, eating well is important. I love eating these new things I'm not missing French fries or popcorn (this says a lot especially when I'm selling popcorn in the concession stand).

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I went to my husband's staff & family picnic this week. Wonderful choices offered. I filled my plate with many wonderful salads, a little meat, and baked beans. I didn't even have dessert because I was satisfied. Great success!

Accountability

I believe in having someone you can share your goals with, Lindsay encourages it as well in her book Meant to Eat. I have this Blog, Blog comments, and my sisters. Yesterday when I first checked my phone I realized Lindsay Rineholt had included this Blog in her newsletter and shared it on Facebook. A great way to start the day and more accountability, win win!

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I am feeling good lately because I realized I have been looking in the mirror at myself again. I had been sort of mad and ashamed of 'me and my choices' and so was avoiding looking at myself. I didn't like what and who I saw. It feels really good to be on better terms with me.

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I have been discouraged that my clothes aren't getting loose. How can I fit into my capris and yet my jeans feel the same? When I've measured weight-loss in the past it tends to be that I gain and lose all over. Others gain all in the middle. I need to believe in this process and my relationship with food becoming healthy, but it's hard to not be focused on "results". Feeling not size!

A goal achieved!

I wore these denim capris last week to our opening meetings. They are still a bit tight but I couldn't even fasten them in mid-July. Woot woot!

I feel discouraged sometimes as I have never tried to loose weight without getting on the scale and I want my clothes to be looser, it is a slow process. I know in the long run, big picture, the slower the better. I feel great about my food choices and the fact that I'm working on the thought processes I go through as I prepare and partake.

Waste vs. Waste

I was taught to finish my plate and to take less because I could always get more later. I unfortunately translated this into getting lots, finishing, getting more and finishing that too. For some reason the getting more became a challenge similar to that of reaching the spectacular view found at the peak of a strenuous mountain climb. I believe in not wasting food but I have been working on changing the definition. I realized a long time ago that I was wasting food even if I consumed it if I ate something when I was full. I love how Lindsay talks about there being enough food and that we don't need to worry in the same way previous generations did. Not to say we should pile up our trash cans with no thoughts regarding being responsible. Some may argue this issue but I stand firm, none the less, as it is what works for me. Everyone can agree that taking less (even 1/2 as much) as you think you'll eat to start along with noticing when you're satisfied and stopping is a healthy and responsible policy. This morning I put back 1/3 of the oatmeal I dished myself before I even started when I couldn't finish it I saved it in a plastic container for tomorrow. Last night I made broccoli/cauliflower with cheese sauce and ate it very slowly for two reasons: one because it is actually better when it's not too steamy, and 2 because it is very filling and going slow helped me notice when I was done.

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Cravings

Lindsay talks about cravings and their Physical Triggers: Nutrient deficiencies, Lack of sleep, Hormonal changes, Seasonality, Addiction, Survival Instincts, and Restriction. I have been craving "filling up" it's like I'm missing the sensation of being full the way junk food fills you. I ordered Chinese one night this past week and enjoyed filling myself with saucey vegetables and lean meats. I'm sure I had enough sodium and protein for a month and it 'felt' great! Yesterday morning I craved twirling spaghetti (Restriction), it's weird how it wasn't even really the eating as much as it was the twirling. I tend to crave chocolate monthly and that has been the case the last couple of nights, I could say this is hormonal but it's honestly 5% hormonal, 30% stress, 30% addiction, and 35% 'Seasonality'. She Also writes about emotional triggers, I hope to share more on those in a later post.

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A celebration discovery this week is noticing the first bite. For example in the morning I'm hungry and I enjoy making myself a delicious meal of oatmeal w/ peanut butter & fruit or eggs with fruit. I sit down with my meal and I stare at it for a moment and then take the first bite slowly noticing everything that I love about it. It is wonderfully satisfying like the warm greeting of a loved one you haven't seen for a long time. When I pay attention it is a deeply pleasurable moment at each meal.

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Another celebration this is week is that a colleague I don't know very well included me in a group offer to walk with her after work. I jumped at the chance to get to know her better and to be more active. I have been hoping for someone to walk with and I feel this is a blessing from above. We have our first walking date set for tomorrow after work.

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My intentions had a great week with starting school, it really is helping for me to think  and visualize what I'm going to do when I get home. I noticed that I need to eat nuts/seeds after work as they are easy to eat and give me the energy I need at that time of the day. As I shared earlier this week I say often to myself "I'm not going to starve."

Video Correction

https://youtu.be/jcroy7oP3AY

I realized last night that I had posted the wrong video in my Getting Started post in June. Here is Shay Carl talking about when he "snapped" and "got out of the pool as a non-drinker". [minutes 5-9]

Phraseology

"I'm not going to starve" this is helping me when I'm in a food panic.
"It's only a year" when I'm feeling disappointed that I can't eat certain things or when I can't eat with people because there are limited choices. This statement is followed by, "yes it's only a year but that doesn't mean when the year is up you are going hog wild vicelessness, after a year you intend to be vice-less and have a larger more colorful food repertoire."

Today I got to eat lunch with friends, thanks to Subway for offering to make my 6" sub into a salad.
Tomorrow's lunch is pulled pork with potlucksides. I'm going to bring 3 bean salad and I'm imagining myself choosing bunless meat, vegetables and fruits. It's my Dad's birthday too so I may have a slice of crustless pie, if offered, in his memory. I will think of him as I savor each bite.

Back to Work

It was a great day but it did come with challenges. Knowing that meals were going to be provided but not knowing what the choices would be was stressful and tough to navigate. This paired with the fact that I hadn't seen most people all summer made missing out on meals undesirable. I am very glad I visualized the situation ahead of time. I could have eaten a lot of the things offered for breakfast (lots of nice fruit) but I had eaten at home and was still satisfied so I decided to skip it. Lunch was tough everything looked great but most choices were things I have decided to skip this year so I snuck out. A couple of people noticed but it wasn't really a big deal. I felt weird on the inside, like I was snubbing everyone.

When I got in the car I made a point of picturing myself making dinner cutting onions and so forth and writing on this Blog about my day, it worked!

On to day 2...

Food Critic

Today is my last day of Summer Vacation 2016 tomorrow morning I am back on contract. I feel excited, nervous, and a bit emotional. I have had easily one of my top 5 summers of all time, I am so blessed. I have had a burst of energy the last couple of weeks. My son left town and now we are completely empty nesters (our older daughter moved away 3 years ago). My husband and I enjoyed a slow process of emptying our nest as our 2 kids attended college in our hometown. They moved out of the house but were seen frequently. We had summers with them gone but this is definitely a deeper change. Speaking of nest I have been Nesting: getting my home organized and clean before school begins and my schedule gets crazier. I am feeling really content about having my home in order at a level that I haven't experienced in years. Not that this has much to do with Viceless eating except to say it's a notable part of my current state of mind. I give credit for my burst of energy to my better eating and the excitement I feel about posting here. I am somewhat nervous that I won't be able to maintain this energy &/or desire now that summer is over. My goal is to post once every 7 days or more.

As I ponder activities to do instead of eating/TVing after work (see previous post Intentions) I have been imagining myself having a healthy snack after work (3:30) arriving to a quiet home (4:20) and sitting down with a cup of tea and Blogging. What a great substitution for binge eating!

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I am so pleased that Lindsay Rineholt responded to a quick thank-you message I sent to her webpage. She has been very encouraging and has really spurred me on as I begin month 2. I asked her if she had any advice after she said she had read through my Blog. She gave me some suggestions regarding not eating so much ice cream (well I asked, lol!) and sent me a great recipe made with frozen bananas I will share it here:

One of my favorite ice cream alternatives is made from a frozen banana + peanut butter + a little bit of almond milk (or other milk).  Blend that all up in a blender or Magic Bullet and it is delicious.  Sometimes I add some more almond milk and a handful of spinach and that is my breakfast--super yummy indulgent way to start the day!  

Thanks Lindsay!

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I have started into Part 3 of Meant to Eat where I am learning to savor food and recognize when I'm satisfied (being full takes a little bit of time). A big lesson is to slow down. I like Lindsay's suggestion of pretending to be a food critic. I found a webpage on "How to Become a Food Critic" (not that I want to earn a living do this) and I found some of these tips especially helpful as I go from devouring to savoring; http://www.wikihow.com/Become-a-Food-Critic (numbers 3 & 4 apply here).

I also like how Lindsay said "You are NOT going to starve. This is not your last meal, so don't act like it is" I plan to tell myself that when I get home from work and I want to crawl inside the fridge and consume everything in sight. Here's what I'm going to tell myself, "Amy you had a healthy snack less than an hour ago, you will have dinner soon, you are stressed/tired not hungry"

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I am excited that I have gotten grapes and celery all set, cleaned and sliced ready for easy packing/snacking this week. This and other healthy options await me as I start this week. I have been imagining myself preparing these things each Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon this fall. I have been celebrating in the fact that I like so many different healthy foods. I am excited to give other foods the opportunity to take center stage this year while my usual vices, that tend to crowd out other options, are being denied.

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A final note-worthy comment: my waist measures 1/2 inch smaller. ☆☆☆

Intentions

Lindsay Reinholt brings up some good thoughts when she discusses the way intentions support our goals. She states that goal-setting, "has everything to do with the end result" while intention-setting, "has more to do with how well your daily choices match up with your values...[intentions aren't] "as black and white as goals are." In an earlier post I decided I would look at my monthly sub-goals daily by having them in a calendar reminder on my phone, this has been a great way to start the day. Lindsay writes that the use of Bible verses or other sacred words could help keep you mindful of your intentions, they should be "aligned with your goals" I love these examples she gives:

• I intend to love food 
• I intend to release myself from guilt
• I intend to choose more colorful foods           -Lindsay Reinholt -Meant to Eat

I'm adding these to her list:

• I intend to savor each bite, especially when I'm extremely hungry (Hunger Scale 5)
• I intend to do other activities when I get home from work other than just eat and sit
• I intend to visualize myself at home when I get in the car at work: making good choices etc.
• I intend to nurture my positive self-talk without becoming self-indulgent or allowing self-pity
• I intend to read/ponder this post at the end of each work day to remind myself of my intentions
• I intend to notice and forgive myself when I don't live my intentions - I am a work in progress

Lindsay makes the suggestion that we start with one intention and keep it somewhere to be strategically seen at the moments when we need it. I'm going with my 9 intentions above as I feel they are all attainable, I have already enjoyed success with some similar intentions recently (daily phone reminders).

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Woot woot! in two days it will have been a full month since I started my quest! I'm loving the challenge. I said I would focus on feelings and I am feeling great. My mental outlook has been much more active and sunnier. I love going to bed knowing I have made good decisions that I believe in. I love waking up knowing I have a plan. I struggle at times with self-doubts but I also have seen victories in that area as well. I'm excited to continue this journey. I love that I'm working on not allowing myself to abuse food, to love it in physically and emotionally healthy ways. I love the intentions I've listed above, they are things that I can do right away. 

I am going back to school in 4 days, the retreat is over and I will have some new obstacles and challenges ahead of me: facing more people, busier times, exhaustion, working concession stand and frequent late nights/weekends. With this time also comes many positives: I will be more active that will lead to positive physical changes in my body. I will be busy and productive in ways that lead me to better mental health as I feel like I'm making a difference in the other's lives. 

There will be times when my intentions will be put to the tests.

I will decide to forgive myself when I fall short on my intentions.

I will decide to remember when I follow through on my intentions.

In time I will revise my intentions.

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Possible rewards to consider for keeping my intentions: a new book, getting a pedicure, a new outfit

Bread of Life and Visualization

Last Sunday we celebrated communion and I decided that this would be the perfect time to make an exception to my no wheat rule. As I celebrated communion with the Bread of Life and the joining of hearts from the same loaf I felt this time was especially meaningful. A big challenge for me as I abstain from certain foods are during times when I partake in meals with other people. Communion or community is built as we all consume food from the same bowl, loaf, pan etc. We take something created by someone to eat and we let it become a part of ourselves sharing it along with smiles and conversation. It is a wonderful thing that is more than just calories. It is a time that creates a mood that I enjoy like sharing a pot of coffee with my husband each morning, it's not the same if I drink tea instead.

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Lately I find myself saying to myself "I'm taking a break from that for now" for example I'm taking a break from eating chips at the Mexican Restaurant and the rice that comes with my Chinese order. This is working well for me as I really don't want to talk about my decision, other than here. I want to just do my thing and move on with the meal and enjoy time with others. At the same time I don't mind talking about it as a whole conversation such as with someone else who also struggles similarly. I guess I just don't want to talk about too much at meal time, it will happen sometimes and that's understandable but I don't want every meal to be consumed with such talk about Amy and her eating etc. I would feel really uncomfortable with people planning meals around my somewhat complicated decision. I know I won't starve and things will work out. I may even make an exception for a specific meal(s) especially if we are eating in a small setting in someone's home.

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I'm getting a lot of positive practice in figuring out how to be viceLESS. Emphasis on the less as in less vice than before. Yesterday I spent a day at work and came home ready to eat as usual. I curved my appetite with tomatoes, pickles, and couple olives. When that didn't do it I had cucumber and a little plain yogurt with dry Ranch mixed in. The cucumber/yogurt was especially satisfying I need to keep those options around.

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I had recently bought a frozen vegetable mix that said it had whole grains. I had trouble reading the label but I think, after cooking it, that it had some whole wheat berries and a little rice. I wouldn't eat that normally but I went ahead last night and for lunch today. I was justifying that rice/wheat were not the primary things but I have since decided that from now on if I can see that there is rice or wheat (not a hidden ingredient such as in a granola bar) then I will pass on the dish. It's not a big deal and I'm really happy that last night after eating a I stopped rather than have a second helping as I desired.
I am also happy that I thought to mix it with some crisp lettuce that stretched the amount and helped me feel satisfied.

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I often have trouble being done for the evening. I want a little something sweet and I'm doing well with a little scoop of ice cream but I am countering with wondering if I can make any progress with weight loss by doing this. While my main focus is to have a healthy relationship with food I would also like to be a smaller size and have more energy. My past pattern is that small changes in my eating leave me with no change in size. Could it be that there is a change, a VERY slow change? We say hopefully a lot! I measured myself last Friday before bed and I plan to do that each week. This will be my guide. I was a bit discouraged by said measurement as it was the same as what I had gotten in early June. Size takes a while at this point in making a change. I really love the idea of making a slow but REAL change. What should my self-talk be? How about, "Amy good job on all the vegetables you are eating" "Amy, I really like the variety of foods you've been eating lately and how you aren't overeating at dinner" "Amy wow you sure are drinking a lot of water and I love how you rarely/never have soda or other sugary drinks" "Amy good job on packing your lunch for work yesterday and bringing a snack of pecans and raisins to supplement" "Amy good job on listening to your body and stopping your eating when you are satisfied, when was the last time you felt uncomfortably full? you can't remember? good job!"

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Visualization: I commented about this on the Self-Talk post recently. I am visualizing myself on the first day of meetings next week when the District is providing breakfast and lunch. I am imaging myself eating a little something before I leave (40 min drive) such as a little cheese/fruit. I am imaging myself packing a lunch and healthy snacks in case the breakfast and lunch choices are unacceptable at this time. I am imagining myself saying to my co-workers when I'm not eating a doughnut or pancakes, "I decided to eat before I came this morning" or when I skip the sub sandwich (if that's what they serve) "I think I'll eat something in my room later" or "I'm taking a break from bread for awhile" I am also visualizing myself at an upcoming picnic that my husband and I enjoy attending each year. I know what foods they'll probably have and I am going to skip some and really enjoy some others. I plan to enjoy their warm peach cobbler with ice cream (I will skip the bready part), I will skip the homemade potato chips but I will enjoy the coleslaw or other fresh salad. I will really focus on the conversation with the people I don't get to see very often. I will do my best to choose lots of vegetables and some kind of lean protein.

Self-Talk

As I have mentioned I am (slowly) reading a book called Meant to Eat: A Practical Guide to Developing a Healthy Relationship with Food  http://www.lindsayreinholt.com/#!book/tvl0m

Here are some excerpts from this book that I have found especially relevant. Thanks to my sister's recent Blog comments they were brought back into my focus:

In another part of the book the author similarly talks about using the terms good vs. bad when describing food and how she likes the term "fun foods".There's nothing wrong with having fun as long as fun doesn't become a vice. For me I felt I was doing that with many of my food choices.

To be clear I am not in favor of lets all just talk in fake Happy Happy Joy Joy terms all the time. There is a time and a place to get down and brutally honest with ourselves and possibly trusted others about making some needed changes in our lives. In all things there is a balance to be found and often I find I am out of balance with food. It's tough because, as someone wisely pointed out to me "we can't give up food like other things such as smoking/drinking" I think of this year as a sort-of compromise I'm not giving up food for the year but I am giving up using it as a vice/overindulgence. I started with committing myself to not eat my most popular fun foods for a year.

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My self-talk lately regarding this Blog has been trying to sneak in negativity regarding my decision to abstain from certain foods, "you'll just go right back to how you ate before once the year is over" and "you are really going to inconvenience other people" and "you're just going to create new vices like meats and sweets, so what's the point?" Yesterday I had a thought that brought positive energy against hose negative thoughts. I shared in a recent post about how we went to Cheddar's and I chose a bunch of side dishes that I would never have considered (like broccoli casserole!). My positive self-talk yesterday said, "Amy that visit to Cheddar's is the whole year in miniature, you're not trying to give these vices up forever- just one year. You will experience every typical thing (such as holidays etc) that happens in 12 months without having your typical vices/fun foods. Instead of focusing on what will happen after this year enjoy the fact that you are opening yourself up to new foods and challenging yourself to plan out and enjoy your food." [Last night I made cheese sauce and instead of putting it over macaroni I poured it over broccoli and cauliflower, yummy! ]

A goal I've gained by reading this book is: I am on a journey to mend my broken relationship with food so that I can live a healthy happy life. I already live a happy life and a mostly healthy one as well. Me and food have had struggles through the years and I will repeat this goal to myself daily (I've added it to my phone daily reminders).

Fourth! (HS before and Walking Reality)

A little funny: I decided my title and then realized it's the 4th of August, I like those kinds of coincidences in life. 

I am an on again off again food label reader and one thing I've learned is that the ingredients are listed in order of what is most to what is found least in the food. The rule I'm following where my abstaining is concerned (no corn products, no wheat, no rice, no potatoes, no fried) is it must be at least 4th on the list. With home recipes it must be a very small amount in the recipe. For example pudding*: it has a couple Tablespoons of flour or cornstarch -- no big deal. Granola bars usually start with oats (I eat!) but often have some sort of rice product next (I abstain!). I don't know how my friend gave up sugar for 100 days (she posted on Facebook she gave up caffeine, sugar, wheat, rice, chocolate) sugar is everywhere. She probably had some sort of rule like this as well. I'm trying to focus my food choices less on my weight and more on my health, at the same time I do want to become a smaller size. I am sort of missing the scale right now because pounds are so detectable (for the good and for the bad of it). I am planning to measure my waist but I keep forgetting. I really like the idea and I read a lot of articles about eating clean, I'm not doing that at this time but I'm sure eating cleaner that I was a month ago.

*pudding, like ice cream, could easily become a vice for me watching portions is so important.

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In yesterday's post I listed my Hunger Scale (HS)  and eating that I've experienced lately. Today I am posting my prior to 7/13 eating, I haven't kept an exact list as is suggested in Meant to Eat, these are what I remember as my worst tendencies:

Breakfast: HS 4-- I would eat cheesy eggs and some sort of wheat product maybe a breakfast cookie. On the weekends I often treat myself to a jumbo sweet muffin or cinnamon roll from the grocery store baker. (I LOVE my morning coffee with a sweet pastry to dunk and eat.)
Snack: HS 3-5 (over the summer I tend to have a morning snack since I'm usually home) -- pretzels, cheese, nuts, or some combination of all of them
Lunch: HS 4 or 5 during school usually I have a sandwich with meat/cheese/lettuce, pretzels & cheese
After School: once I get home I'm at HS 5!! and I want dinner right away but my husband often gets home about 30 minutes after I do. Sometimes I go ahead and eat without him or I start in on some sort of  wheaty &/or fried option if available. If my husband is gone for dinner I will go for some sort of over indulgence of potatoes maybe frozen french fries or make my own potatoes in the microwave --- it's an ugly scene that may or may not include cheese/chili when available
On the weekends (and maybe some week nights) some sort of movie will be watched w/ or w/o my husband with some fatcarbolicious foods to be consumed while watching to the point of HS 1 (stuffed!)
Late Night: HS 3 or 4 more of the same maybe cheese, nuts, pretzels etc.

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I previously posted that I was going to start taking a lot of short walks, that hasn't been happening. Last week I was dog sitting which got moving more with at least one 25 min walk a day along with frequent short walks. This week I've done no walks. I know I should and I "want to" but doing and wanting are not on the same page at this point. This week I have been doing a lot of house cleaning which is keeping me out of my chair (good!) but I am not wanting to interrupt my cleaning motivation by taking time out for a walk (bad!). I really want to believe Sitting is the New Smoking but obviously I don't have that in my heart too deep b/c I do a lot of sitting. Ideally I would walk at least 30 minutes a day at least 4 days a week and do Yoga-ish exercises for 20 minutes or more 2 days a week. I'm going to love and forgive myself through this for now as I am happy with myself for the recent changes I've made. I have my calendar sending me a reminder each day this month of my 3 goals for the month: 1) stick with my eating plan 2) prioritize helping my husband 3) forgive myself the same way I forgive others -- Walking may need to be a September goal.

Hunger Scale and Wheat Alternatives

In Lindsay Reinholt's Meant to Eat I read about using a Hunger Scale. Reinholt encourages her readers to start with a food diary and then move to a hunger diary, a scale is a helpful tool.
Here is the Hunger Scale she suggests:
1: stuffed, uncomfortable, and food no longer sounds good
2: Full but comfortable, satisfied
3: Neither full nor hungry, neutral
4: Hungry, there's a slight emptiness to the stomach, food is desirable, subtle hunger sensations in the mouth and stomach; The Golden Hour
5: Overly hungry, starving, ravenous, stomach pangs, shakiness, and other unpleasant sensations; 
The Danger Zone
The Golden Hour is important because we should be eating since we are truly hungry and yet not too hungry. We're likely to make good choices at this time.

I had never heard of such a scale before, apparently there are many different ones. I like the simplicity of this one. I have trouble deciding when I am 3 or 4. Sometimes I think that I'm hungry (4) when actually I'm just bored and wishing I was hungry because I want to eat. I have definitely felt 1 vs. 2 and I really need to be in tune with myself as to when I go from one to the other. Yesterday I left the house around 11am to do about 10 different errands. I live in a small town and even so I figured out which things I needed to do first, second, third etc so as to not backtrack. Even with all of this planning I didn't get home until about 1pm. I was 5 for sure! I enjoy being hungry when I have a meal in mind to eat and I did. I ate some baked beans with a little leftover breakfast sausage, some lettuce with roasted mushrooms, yummy!

Here are some of my typical hunger scales/meals* lately:

Breakfast: Hunger Scale go from 5 to 2  -- either cheesy eggs/fruit or peanut butter oatmeal/fruit, coffee with half-n-half and 1 scant tsp of real sugar (around 6am)
Snack: HS 4 to 2  -- peanut butter apple or cheese w/ apple or raisins w/ almonds (9:30-10)
Lunch: HS 4 to 2 -- tossed salad with lettuce/tomato/cheese/maybe meat/pickles and some sort of fruit, finish with a small ice cream with p butter and choc syrup
Snack(s) HS 4/3 to 2 -- nuts or seads, fruit w/ cheese or p. butter
Dinner: HS 4 to 2 -- veggies or salad with some sort of meat and fruit or sometimes a scoop of ice cream and choc syrup
Snack: HS 4 to 2 -- nuts or seads, fruit w/ cheese or p. butter

*I've been drinking about 64-80 ounces of water a day starting with 16oz before breakfast.

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I found these sweet wheat free dessert/breakfast options on Facebook today:

http://www.eatclean.com/recipes-how-to/6-clean-eating-no-bake-breakfast-cookie-recipes?cid=soc_Eat%20Clean%20-%20eatcleanfeed_FBPAGE_Eat%20Clean__

While I am excited to learn about wheat/rice alternatives such as quinoa and almond flour for now I am sticking to and enjoying eating more fruits and vegetables. Grains are important, I am eating oatmeal on a regular basis. I love that I am craving fruits and vegetables and that they make me feel really good. I am being careful to not over justify on the ice cream by trying to have one honest scoop and only a serving of dark chocolate syrup. I love it with peanut butter, it is fun food and I believe the enjoyment of food is important. Should I be eating ice cream at lunch AND dinner? probably not.

One substitution I really enjoy is having roasted vegetables covered with meaty spaghetti sauce and parmigiana cheese. I like to use frozen peppers/onions that I've roasted in the oven, broccoli also works well or whatever I have.  I love the combination of the sauce with the cheese and the vegetables dance in my mouth-- it is a very happy place indeed! I am considering purchasing a Spiralizer (a tool that turns things like squash into a spaghetti shape) I enjoy spaghetti squash but haven't had it recently. 

Cheddar's!

My husband and I went to Cheddar's last night and I enjoyed trying some things that I previously never would have considered. There was only one salad that didn't have something on it I needed to avoid and all the Lighter Side  meals included rice. I would've been very happy with the one salad choice but I was hoping for something else because I'd eaten a lot of salads the last two days. I chose the Vegetable Plate that included a dinner salad and my choice of 4 of their 13"Made-From-Scratch Sides". I chose: Broccoli Casserole (very yummy but it had a little rice so I had to skip a lot of the cheese sauce), Homemade Black Beans, Coleslaw, and Corn. I never in a million years would have ordered those and they were all really good. I didn't even notice that French Fries was one of the choices, that is HUUUGE for me!!! I did have one slip, I absentmindedly took a bite of a crouton. So strange since I was obviously being so mindful. I knew this would happen eventually and I'm sure it will happen again, no big deal and actually kind of funny. My choices were also practically meatless, when I have a meatless meal I feel connected to my daughter who has been vegetarian for a year or two and has really enjoyed how her body has responded.

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My husband ordered potato skins* for us as an appetizer and couldn't help but notice I was picking at the cheese and bacon and had left the potato. I told him that I was taking a break from potatoes for a while and some other foods because I think about them too much. I am transparent by nature but sometimes there are certain details in my life I hold on to and keep private. It's not so much that I don't want others to know but more because I want to live in my thoughts longer. For some people it is really hard to share their struggles and so they challenge themselves by opening up. It's often the opposite for me, my candor nature wants everything out in the open and I have to discipline myself to hold back telling. I understand one reason why it's hard for some to share, the longer I hold off on telling something the more I become attached to my ability to control the information. I also have a tendency to overshare, somethings just don't need to be said. Sometimes oversharing can be hurtful and sometimes it's a kind of waste of space, too much fluff. I try to read people and their openness to sharing themselves and base my own transparent levels on what they do. For example I have a friend who shares openly regarding her struggles as a mom of grown children, their spouses, and several grandchildren. I know she is a good person for me to share similarly regarding my family relationships.

* BTW: these were a lot more potato than skin which for me is usually a big thumbs UP!

Good Morning August!

I traveled over 6 1/2 hours one-way this past weekend to help my son move. It was an emotional time for many reasons and it could have led to much in the way of "justified" poor snacking and meal choices. Often when I travel alone I use snacks to keep me alert and as reward. I've stated earlier that having my mind made up ahead of time creates a sort of freedom as I navigate food selections on the go, this continues to be the case and I'm thoroughly enjoying this reality. I'm glad that I didn't forego all "fun" foods this year, such as sugar and chocolate, it's nice to have treats once in awhile.

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We went to a movie a few nights ago and I got Junior Carmels (like Junior mints, only better!). It is so odd for me to have candy over JUMBO popcorn and arguably not a better choice physically but mentally there's an adjustment that feels right at this time. I find that I need to eat a lot of fruit to make up for my decided abstaining and my body feels good, less sluggish.

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 I often wonder, "what am I going to do when this year is up to keep from going nuts over these currently eliminated foods?" I'm trying not to dwell on this but my answer is that I think a couple of weeks of free eating starting 7/13/17 would be nice and then I'd like to go month to month, "this month I'll eat these foods" etc.  I had tried something like this on a daily basis a few years ago and found that wasn't a good rhythm for me, I think I could manage a month at a time, once this year is up.

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I shared the existence of this Blog with my two sisters today.