Healthy Isolation -- Journal Entry #1

Dear Readers,
I find myself particularly emotional today and I am feeling a sense of urgency to get my thoughts down this morning. I want to begin by saying above all - I am grateful -- some of this may seem like I'm complaining, if it comes across that way, please know that is not my intention. I'm simply sharing what I am feeling and what I remember. I agree with social distancing and the hard decisions that have been made to cancel events etc. In order to cope better, I'm writing it down. I feel well I have all I need and I am grateful.

I am redefining this Blog during this "unprecedented time" as I feel it is important to document my point of view along with the events that occur as they unfold. I am already behind and that is why this first entry is so long. As I spoke to my HS and JH band students in our last days together I encouraged them to keep a journal even if all it says is "today this happened and I felt ....". "Our memories are unreliable but, one day, a journal can be priceless." [paraphrase] I'm an Enneagram 4 and how I most identify as such is that I have a sense of urgency about connecting life events and making meaning out of them that are eternal. Not necessarily in a religious way but definitely in a profound way (at least to me they are profound in my head).  That's why my favorite genre of books are biographies especially autobiographies. I love hearing how the events of someone's life are connected for themselves and others and how I become connected to them by reading about them.

Another big reason that I wanted them to journal (and so I too must keep a journal) is that a friend of mine from college who majored in religion and history shared the following historical reference on Facebook on March 15, 2020, and it really helped me to start to connect this time into my own life's expectation.  

Another Time Same Quarantine Rules CS posted March 15, 2020
Final thoughts CS

Starting with last fall and into the first part of 2020 I had heard about and watched videos on the Coronavirus and for the most part, I was "Staying Alert but not Anxious" as directed by my main source Doctor Mike on YouTube see example video below:

Doctor Mike COVID-19

I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back this was the beginning of my "obliteration of expectations" --as better explained by Hank Green -
Hank Green vlogbrothers The Sudden Obliteration of Expectation

Students and some faculty would mention the virus and I was not engaging in these conversations. Even when I went to visit my mom and sister 4 hours away in another state the weekend of March 1st I did not want to engage in this type of talk. My mom greeted me with a joke about not being sure she should hug me (she had the news on who were reporting on the topic). Around this time I was noticing more posts on FB some jokey some about toilet paper being in high demand etc.

My decision to disengage in the topic changed the week of March 9th. My husband traveled by air to Virginia on March 10th and when he left all was the "same". The week before leaving he had mentioned to me that he had been in meetings about it, he works on a University campus but I did not know all the details. Starting on the 11th? I think it was the 12th (this is why keeping a journal is so important I'm unsure of the exact time) things started to get canceled in all directions. Local and across the state University campuses were not coming back from Spring break, going to online, etc. Firmly by Thursday, March 12th, my friend's daughter was headed to watch State HS Basketball and had to turn around and come home because each school was only allowed so many tickets and her daughter and her husband were just going to be spectators not from a particular school. That night we had a small ensemble and solo concert at school a "mock" contest to prepare our HS students for the real District festival scheduled for March 28th. Other similar festivals across the state, scheduled for earlier have already been canceled so we know ours likely will be. Top ratings from these district festivals go on to state festival.  How can some districts have it and not others? Down deep we already know the answer, they can't. 

On the day of March 12th, I learned also that so many things had been canceled-- professional sports, all spring college sports seasons (the whole SEASON), music festivals, endless field trips, and HS/JH sporting events...the list goes on and on. By the time of Friday the 13th we all were feeling the impact ironically and literally. On Friday the 13th I told my dual credit students to take their textbooks home with them and to keep communication with me on email a regular thing. "no matter if we have school or not we are going to try to finish this course online, you've already paid for it".  On the morning of Friday the 13th, I had announced to the band that even if we did not have our Festival (and likely we would not) scheduled for March 20th (our festival had not officially been decided at this point) "I will have an alternative festival that day here at school".  That night I got my haircut and had "therapy" with my hairdresser/friend since 1996 regarding the events of the week. Her husband is the radio voice of our local University sports teams. The local university DII basketball team had made it to the finals of basketball --but the tournament scheduled for the weekend of March 14th had been canceled. We talked about the stores too, the empty shelves. Afterwards I went to our local Walmart and found all that I needed and noted the empty toilet paper shelves (I was not in need of this).

When my husband returned Sunday afternoon we joked about how much had changed in just a few days. I learned that his sister would be forced to quarantine for 2 weeks when she returned to her home state. By late Sunday night, the public school in the town where I live (along with my sister's school in NV) stopped classes. By Monday morning I had a new plan for the band-- put away the festival music and get out something new while we're still together. At this point, I was slowly understanding why things were being canceled. Over the weekend I read a post about the flattening of the curve and social distancing and I slowly started to get it. My friend's post (above) from March 15th really helped make it sink in for me.

Monday, March 16 --On Monday morning before school, we had a special called faculty meeting about 2 new students (bro/sister) who had a lot of challenging circumstances. At the meeting, a colleague said "I thought this was a rouse and that we'd actually be meeting do discuss plans if/when we close" My principal responded by quoting our superintendent "we're not closing, they'll have to make me close"

First hour HS Band Monday morning I said, "I know a lot of things are up in the air but I have decided we will not have a festival, not even an alternative one, things are too much up in the air and I want this to be decided" I also made a joke to my colleague work BFF "maybe we should be getting out Pomp and Circumstance" to which she laughed and then we both sort of realized at the same time that yes we should be and also we need to find a song for the choir to sing at graduation (hopefully).

By 2:00 that afternoon we had an email that said all faculty/staff should meet in the auditorium-- long story short all the area school administration, health officials, and DESE had met all day and it was decided to close. Most schools closed effective 3/16 or 3/17 but in my county, the 3 schools joined in solidarity to stay open through Wed March 18 "to prepare better" they would stay closed through April 3. Things will be reevaluated on the first of April. That night my husband went to a church meeting and it was decided to not have church services for the next two Sundays

Tuesday, March 17 -- I wore green. Emotionally I was beginning to really have that back and forth Hank Green talks about in the above link. Sometimes I felt extremely hopeful even still thinking this will all blow over soon and at other times I imagined the worst dystopian movies I've ever seen as my near future. My BFF colleague texted me about getting out P & C and I got emotional (the song always makes me emotional, it's so symbolic---Enneagram 4 here!) but especially so this year knowing we may not have graduation at all. I asked my husband because he is not a 4 and yet he agreed and said he thought we should. In tears, I left a voice message for my daughter.  I was so sad that morning for the seniors not just about graduation and prom and senior trip but also the small stuff. The missing out on complaining about the last days of school, you're supposed to hate every last day or be sentimental about them or both. But you're NOT supposed to have them pulled right out from under you.

Since the beginning of January (as has already been shared on the Blog) my sisters and I have been checking in with each other and being accountable -- for this week's check-in my sister wrote on 3/17 (I added the bold and took out the names of the apps):

Through all of this, I'm SOOO glad to have started and ended [paid weight-loss app] and the whole mindfulness weight loss thing when I did. Even with way-less-than-usual activity over the past 3 weeks I have lost nearly 2 more lbs and broken through that 5-in-the-1s-place goal. The transition from [paid weight-loss app] to [a free app] tracking has gone smoothly, and [new app] is free so therefore much more affordable :) Example of benefits of having done [paid app] as I was stocking up at the store, I found myself getting excited about new recipes to try with fresh vegetables vs. what baking I'd like to do while we're stuck inside ;)  Reward: I decided to try on a pair of jeans I'd put in a pile called "Get Rid of If I Still Can't Fit Into in a Year" when I was Marie Kondo-ing clothes last year and they fit!!  

I really relate to the above paragraph and am so encouraged by it. My other sister decided this is the time to start logging her food using an app and in just 4 days she already is seeing the benefits of doing so. The link below also discusses keeping things in perspective, tips on staying healthy, and balancing things during this time of Quarantine. 

ObesetoBeast Quarantine Diet

Tuesday 3/17 John Green, eloquently puts things into words in the below post --
John Green vlogbrother Together

Wednesday, March 18-- it's the last day of school I have told many students who play school instruments that if they want to play at home to please take the music and instrument home. I hear many HS students saying that this might be our last day together for the year, they are joking but also shook. My last 5th-grade band class was a low brass sectional. The 3 young musicians worked hard and were sad for the class to be over saying "I'm going to miss band" "I don't want to leave class today". It was my turn to go to the school board meeting and so I stayed after school until the 7pm meeting. While there I zoomed with my doctorate advisor who helped me with some revision questions and final IRB decisions. She said that if I need to do my interviews on zoom that would be ok and would not change the IRB. I am concerned that people may not respond to my email requests but then again maybe they have more time than usual. Hard to say but I am worried about it. She said when I'm ready I may submit to IRB. Yay!! Then I spent 2-3 hours posting on CANVAS for my dual credit class for the next two weeks. At the board meeting, many phrases are framed as "if we come back this year".  On the way home around 8pm, I receive texts from my daughter that CA is going into a lockdown (not sure if that's the right term) and that the company she works for is being effected and that food is scarce.

Thursday, March 19- I see a post on Facebook about a Twitter feed encouraging us to put up Christmas lights to show solidarity and hope in this time of darkness. I hang our icicle lights over our front porch steps and make an Instagram and Facebook post quoting both the Twitter feed and a "You've Got Mail" reference I've always loved "It will all shake out. Meanwhile, I'm putting up more twinkle lights"

My first day home I get a lot of errands done and sort of need a day to unwind and de-stress after having worked such a long day on Wednesday. I send a voice message to my BFF colleague that "we will always frame our future typical complaints, once this is over, with ...' at least we're here' '' I also believe students will have a new appreciation for school. My husband had not been able to get a hold of one elderly woman who had no internet re the church cancellation so I called her. I offered also to her to let us know if she needs anything, I do not know her personally but she was very thankful for the contact and we chatted for 20 minutes. I see on FB that other doctoral candidate friends have had their data collection halted because of the virus (in some way or other their methods depended on school, either K-12 or University, being in session) -- I feel like a brat for being just worried about low responses, a problem I would be facing w or w/o the virus. My data collection is not halted. Around 1pm I sent an overnight package with some staples we had onhand to my daughter. By this time the local University (and many (all?) in the state) are going to online the rest of the year.

Friday, March 20-- the day our band festival was supposed to occur. I got my IRB submitted. My husband will still go into work but he is one of very few. As of 5 pm, the local university is closed to visitors and most staff are working from home. I ordered toilet paper and paper towels online. It will be more than we will need but we have room to store it and maybe we can share it with others.  I made plans for the next few weeks on my dry erase board with groceries to be on Monday. I get a call right before dinner from the elderly woman from church she wondered if we knew where she could get powdered milk -- a solution "for the longterm". We went to the store (I was nervous to go there bc I didn't want to see the empty shelves). Many shelves were empty while others were pretty much normal. Toilet paper shelves were empty. We got her a bunch of cans of evaporated milk and 1/2 gallon of fresh milk with an April 6 expiration date and took it to the woman in need. She was very thankful and said the canned milk would work fine for the long term also. There was plenty of produce so we got that and a few other things for ourselves. The mood in the store was pleasant but not normal.

Health update and final thoughts --My weight continues to go down, I am keeping my food logging every other week and activity up to my expectations and I am considering how I might increase my activity next month especially in light of the warmer weather and with the fact that I'm less busy. One activity I want to increase is to post more often, not this long...with frequent journal entries of both physical and mental health during this special time of quarantine.

Stay well!
-Amy B.H.