Hello Readers -- today's post is a little glimpse of some personal 'stuff' I've been remembering and sorting through lately. It is a bit of my personal story from the last year.
I have a mental illness that typically gets diagnosed much earlier in life. I am learning to accept this diagnosis. It is not simply an episode(s) I had after a few weeks of stress. I have to admit that sometimes even after several months of knowing what it is in the back of my mind, I keep thinking how could two off days that led to hospital stays mean I now have a chronic mental illness? Thankfully I've read portions of a book entitled The Bi-Polar Survival Guide What You and Your Family Need to Know by David J. Miklowitz Ph.D. This book convinced me that I did not want to waste time being in denial as almost every example in the book seemed to do. I could relate to many of the examples of mortifying incidents such as running away in the night. I saw that when each example took a road of denial they fell back into some kind of danger.
I believe it is important to be able to recognize when an episode is creeping up. I know for me I wish I had known what was happening when we had our annual concert in December of 2020. I remember that day and after school feeling like I was on some sort of autopilot while the world around me was some sort of roller coaster. No one asked me how I was or why I was different than usual. As I read others' reactions (or lack thereof) I seemed to be the same old me. We were wearing masks so maybe that was why no one knew that underneath I was scared and struggling.
If you can relate to these feelings or if you're feeling overwhelmed it is ok to reach out for help from a friend, family member, or doctor. I wish I would have known how to do that sooner but I am very grateful now to be getting the care I need from a great team.
This week's gold star goes to - my nurse Lindsey who encouraged me today.
Thanks for reading.
Stay Well,
Amy BH
