2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities [thorns in my flesh], in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
My interpretation of what Paul writes above is his acceptance of his own shortcomings and how they direct him away from conceit but rather towards humility. Ruminating on certain regrets of my own or misinterpretations of what others said or I think they thought is a thorn in my flesh. These thoughts clutter my brain and can chain me down. Recently I found myself in this cycle and I got help. The first was in the form of a great visit and new medication from my psychiatrist to help me sleep better and the second was a couple of people listening to me with empathy (a nurse and a counselor). I am not alone (PS -- you are not alone either).
I am learning to look for signs so that I can get help when I need it. At the same time, I am also learning to accept my 'infirmities'. Yesterday I had an interview and I was considering a job and its many fun challenges even though it came with a long commute. As more time passed and I struggled to sleep I started to realize how much I would give up if I took the job (not even knowing if I had a chance to be chosen from several candidates). In the morning it became clear to me to inform the employer that I was no longer interested.
I am relearning to trust God the big force in my life that keeps me humble, fearful, and at peace. I am reading a devotional called 100 Days to Brave -Annie F. Downs yesterday she challenged me to make a list of my calling and a list of my dreams. I believe my calling is to listen to those I encounter each day and when prompted to share hope and peace. In all things turning to God first in all I do (I have a habit of using Him as a last resort). Some of my dreams include: to teach at a college, to be a mentor to young college women in the midst of figuring out stuff, to share my thoughts through Blogging/Vlogging regarding mental health and overall wellness.
I will close here -- I would love to hear about your thorns, calling, and/or dreams in the comments.
Thanks for reading.
Stay Well,
AmyBHaddock
I'm very proud of you! Listening, connecting and being present with everyone you are around is truly one of your gifts...among many others.
ReplyDeleteHow kind, I appreciate your affirmation 💗
DeleteI appreciate the depth of this and how you are monitoring so many parts of your being. I am still in travel mode, so I cannot put words to answer your challenge at the end. Perhaps I'll be thinking on this during morning walks. xo hlb
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement. Joy and peace to you as you walk and ponder. XO
DeleteThis post resonates so beautifully with some of the work I've been doing over the past 6 months or so...Some would call it "shadow" work...
ReplyDeleteI love how you bring 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 to life!! It helps me see how when I feel "pricked" by my "thorn" it is a wake up call to guide me toward the God-given gift which that thorn embodies, and how sometimes I need to reach out to others to help me do that. Without getting lost in the weeds of the details, just yesterday I felt enraged by something and instead of riding the wave of the anger, (inspired by your post?) I noticed it, took a breath, and asked/prayed with curiosity about it, in light of my values (as well as some past insights from a therapist). What a gift that turned out to be in terms of guiding me along my path/illuminating new insights vs. my typical rage response -> downward spiral of depression, lashing out, and/or running away.
Your self awareness, your wisdom to reach out for help, and your courage to share bless me deeply. "I am not alone (PS -- you are not alone either)." brings tears to my eyes <3...
What a wonderful testimony, I am blessed in your vulnerable sharing <3
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