Stress vs. Symptoms

 Hello Readers,

Last Sunday I recorded the podcast I mentioned in my last post. It has become more clear to me through the conversation I had with my doctor last Sunday the importance of accepting that circumstances did not cause or trigger my diagnosis or manic episode(s) last year. I was having stress, yes and I was experiencing many major events in my life. However, these events did not cause the symptoms I was having. And, had I known my diagnosis, I probably could have avoided the hospital stay(s) by getting in to see my doctor instead. As an update, for the last few months, I have been stable. I continue to go for regular visits with my team so that I have objective views of how I'm doing. I have been fortunate to find stability so quickly and will celebrate and continue to manage myself as I have shared in previous posts. I recognize in myself that I have developed a fear of stress - I relate stress to my manic behavior last year. With that being said I have some good stress news to share - I have a new job!

I was interviewed and offered the position this week and today I am traveling about an hour away to a small college (roughly 1300 students) in rural Nebraska. I am receiving training to be a supervisor for one of their student teachers next semester. The college is a bit of a drive but I will only be required to make a similar drive five times during the course. The timing couldn't be better since a job that I had last semester for the same amount of hours just finished. I have a lot to learn and it feels a bit overwhelming to see all the paperwork that is involved but the staff has already shown they are excited to have me on board and will be there to support me.

I appreciate you and hope the holidays hold a special meaning of love, joy, peace, and hope.

Thanks for reading.

Stay well,

Amy BH

Recording

 Hello Readers,

My psychiatrist asked me to be a guest on her new developing podcast and we are set to record it this Sunday. Once the taping is edited and uploaded to the internet I will share it with you all but that will be a few weeks from now. 

I love interviews, there is something about having someone come up with questions on a topic and then have another person respond in the moment that really resonates with me. I first realized how much I liked this form of communication during my graduate coursework when we conducted interviews as we learned about qualitative research. Once I did it I knew this was the type of research I wanted to do for my final dissertation. As I look towards Sunday there is one major difference in the interview, I will be on the other side of the questioning.

This week I've been prepping myself a bit and going through the questions that my doctor plans to ask me. Through this prepping process, I've made a conclusion. One of the prompts is what have been some (if any) setbacks? I realized that I am most motivated by not wanting any setbacks I don't want to have to experience another hospital stay again. The fear of a setback leading to another manic episode motivates me to stay in touch with my doctors, stay on my medication, and get plenty of rest. But there is another area of my life that I am continually having setbacks in, eating.

I am really struggling this week as I return to 'normal' eating after the holiday weekend. I am unsure of what I'm eating these days and what to shop for. I don't know if anyone can relate to this but today as I shopped I found myself going up and down the aisles and I didn't know what to put in my cart. I finally made some choices that I knew would work, turkey sandwich meat and some light bread, and checked out. Ugh, I want to consistently enjoy food in a way that is both mentally and physically healthy -- but it's a challenge. Thankfully the weather is super warm today and that has me ready to walk outside and put up Christmas decor two things that both take my mind off of food and lift my spirit.

Gold star this week goes to the candy cane lights I put on the railing of my front porch - they give a red glow at night that is joyous to my soul. 

I appreciate you all so much.

Stay well,

Amy BH